How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers

For many frustrated parents, parting the Red Sea might seem more of a possibility than parting the couch from their teenager’s rear end. We have entered into an age where video game controller dexterity and cell phone dialing is about the extent of many teens’ weekly physical exertion. Recent studies have shown that our country is rapidly producing a generation of kids that are overweight and unexercised. Sadly, parents are often to blame for this problem. In an effort to avoid confrontation, or the desire to make their children happy, many parents actually condition their kids to be lazy. A parent’s goal should be to develop a sense of well being within their children by teaching them the importance of being diligent. Let’s look at a few good ideas to help you guide your teenager into becoming a responsible, hardworking adult.

1. Set a limit on video games and television

Let’s face it, video games and television are an indelible part of our youth culture today and teenagers are going to spend a fair amount of time pursuing each. However, by placing a specific time limit on these diversions, you can encourage your teen to spend more time developing their own creativity. Suggest different hobbies or sporting activities and be willing to participate if needed.

2. Give them household chores

Why should parents be the only ones take care of daily tasks at home? Assigning chores is a great way to teach individual responsibility and diligence. Instill a sense of pride by thanking or complimenting your teen when they have done a good job. Let them know the importance of what they do in relation to the family and doing their part to help out. You should also develop a system of consequences for failing to get chores completed.

3. Spend time with your teen

Most teenagers are too cool to hang out with their parents in public, but despite their actions, they do want mom and dad’s attention. Spend time helping with homework, or maybe even taking up the same hobby. Let them know you care about what’s going on in their lives without being harsh or critical. Encourage them to express their thoughts and you’ll find them less likely to hide things from you.

4. Hire your teenager for special jobs

Teenagers always need money and many have the insane idea that they are entitled to a certain portion of mom or dad’s paycheck every week! You can counter this by offering opportunities to complete special projects around the house as a chance to earn spending money. Is there a room that needs painting? How about a garage that needs to be organized? Give specific goals and only pay when the job is done correctly.

The biggest factor in dealing with a lazy teenager is consistency and communication. Make every effort to continually motivate your teen to have a more active lifestyle through encouragement and support. Do not, under any circumstance, reward or ignore slothful behavior. Parenting is an extremely hard job and only becomes more difficult by failing to instill diligence and developing strong character in our teens. Let your kids know that fun and pleasure come as a result of a good, honest work ethic.

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This is not how to deal with a lazy teenager it is how to prevent a lazy teenager.

Carolyn

I agree, instead of telling us its our fault (which we already get), tell us how to fix it.

Cynthia

My nephew's parents already do all of these things with him and he is still lazy. They are at a loss of what to do with him.

Karen

I have always done these things with my daughters, it worked well when they were young, however, now that they are 14 & 18 they do absolutely nothing around the house. I am at my wits end and no matter what type of consequences I dream up I can't get them to help out. I wish I could go on strike!

Cassondra

I will try your suggestions, thanks. I thought about some of them and tried, but I gradually lost hope. My problem is that I could not get her out of bed, I could not get her to do chores other than put the dishes in kitchen sink.Everything I ask her to do including house chores, such as watering the vege garden, take laundry out from the washer and so on.She likes to negociate with me and my husband, "what I am going to get if I do this or that...? Oh?"Please help, Frustrated parents--

Hui

what is she going to get?? holy cow! that made me mad just reading it!! if my daughter asked me this, if it were really THAT hard to get her to do ANYTHING, I think my first instinct would be to take everything out of her room - tv, radio, ipod, clothing, furniture, bed (I'd leave the matress on the floor with 1 blanket), even the door off it's hinges. then say "there, you have to work to get it all back and you have to work to keep it". tough love never hurt anyone. I grew up in a home where keeping and running a home was a group effort. everyone lived there, so one person was not expected to keep it running. clean clothes, a clean home and food on the table were enjoyed by ALL, so everyone needed to take part in providing it for the rest of us. I feel for you if your teen is really that way, but you are the parent and changes can only happen if YOU put your foot down and make it happen.

dianerene

You're a woman after my own heart, diane. I did that with my son - took away things bit by bit. The computer, the Playstation, the hi-fi etc and just kept taking until all he had was his bed and half a dozen books left. He thought I was kidding but when they didn't reappear in his room within a week he realized I wasn't and started doing what he should have been doing anyway. It definitely made an impression.

fiery

It would have made an impression with me as well, but I don't remember ever having the nerve to verbally ask my parents "what do I get?" wow!!! I am flinching at the thought of those words passing through my lips ... daddy's backhand would have been the answer to that! lol I thoroughly believe in the tough love tactic if it's warranted. I haven't had to go to the extreme of removing furniture, but courtney has lost phone, ipod, tv and computer privledges ... she usually gets her act together pretty quickly. I have seriously considered removing the doors off the rooms of the little ones - mostly because they are into slamming them in the others face :::sigh::: but that is another post entirely ...

dianerene

My dad too, diane! He would have killed me then asked questions later. I'd never have gotten away with voicing something like that. I just won't tolerate it with my own son, and even if he gets to be seven feet tall, I still won't. Sorry, Hui, but I see her actions as disrespectful and I personally have no tolerance for that in children, mine or anyone else's. You really do need to nip it in the bud now because the older she gets, the worse she'll get. Do you really want her to grow into adulthood like that because she'll never make it out there in the working world with that kind of attitude. As diane says, it's tough love, but it's still love. diane, I mailed you a screwdriver just in case the mood strikes lol.

fiery

LMAO!!! thanks, Kay! It will be put to good use [:'(]

dianerene

You're very welcome. Of course you can't forget you need to get them to do it, no point in you having to do all that heavy lifting! LOL. [:o] Ah kids, you've gotta love them eh.

fiery

LMAO!!! OMG, you just reminded me of something my dad used to say to us ... he would tell us to get up and change the channel, or get up and get him a pepsi ... IF he was in a good mood, we could do it and jokingly say "why don't you get up and get it" and his reply was always, "that's what I had you for". I have said something similar to my own girls, especially when they get the "why do I have to do EVERYTHING?!" syndrome.

dianerene

I have a 13 yr old and i have done every one of these ideas.I have give up hope.I am a single parent,but i dont know if thats the reason for his behavior.He expects me to pay for things he should pay for.He won't clean his room,he doesn't respect me either.I have cancer so i am sick,and i think he uses my illness to take advantage of me as well.if anyone has some good advice,i am open to some suggestions.

lost

Lost, I'm so sorry to hear that about your illness and what you're going through with your son. I don't think for a minute you being a single parent has anything to do with it but is it possible it could be your son's reaction to your illness? Sometimes the kids act out to get our attention, even it's negative attention, when they just don't know how else to communicate. It's very likely he's worrying about what's going to happen. Can I ask, do you have any kind of support system? Any family or friends that can talk to your son perhaps? Or anyone that you can talk to yourself about what's going on with you and your son or your illness? I can't imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes but I would like to help you if possible, and if that's ok with you. I really feel that someone needs to talk to your son, not only to give him the chance to voice how he's feeling but also to make it clear how much he's hurting you by his actions. How's he doing at school, anything going on there perhaps? Just trying to think of all the reasons... I'd bet there's local cancer support and/or single parent groups that could help in some way if you contacted them. If you would be interested in that, I'll gladly try help you find out what's available locally. You can PM me your location if you'd prefer not to post it publicly. Of course, if you choose not to, I understand. You just do whatever you're comfortable with. Keep your chin up, hon. In my experience, people do care and will help if you just let them know you need it.:) There's many good people at Family Lobby alone that I'd bet are more than willing to offer a sympathetic ear. take care, lost. And know that you're among friends here. :) Kay

fiery

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