| | | | How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers |
By Bobby Stocks
For many frustrated parents, parting the Red Sea might seem more of a possibility than parting the couch from their teenager’s rear end. We have entered into an age where video game controller dexterity and cell phone dialing is about the extent of many teens’ weekly physical exertion. Recent studies have shown that our country is rapidly producing a generation of kids that are overweight and unexercised. Sadly, parents are often to blame for this problem. In an effort to avoid confrontation, or the desire to make their children happy, many parents actually condition their kids to be lazy. A parent’s goal should be to develop a sense of well being within their children by teaching them the importance of being diligent. Let’s look at a few good ideas to help you guide your teenager into becoming a responsible, hardworking adult.
1. Set a limit on video games and television
Let’s face it, video games and television are an indelible part of our youth culture today and teenagers are going to spend a fair amount of time pursuing each. However, by placing a specific time limit on these diversions, you can encourage your teen to spend more time developing their own creativity. Suggest different hobbies or sporting activities and be willing to participate if needed.
2. Give them household chores
Why should parents be the only ones take care of daily tasks at home? Assigning chores is a great way to teach individual responsibility and diligence. Instill a sense of pride by thanking or complimenting your teen when they have done a good job. Let them know the importance of what they do in relation to the family and doing their part to help out. You should also develop a system of consequences for failing to get chores completed.
3. Spend time with your teen
Most teenagers are too cool to hang out with their parents in public, but despite their actions, they do want mom and dad’s attention. Spend time helping with homework, or maybe even taking up the same hobby. Let them know you care about what’s going on in their lives without being harsh or critical. Encourage them to express their thoughts and you’ll find them less likely to hide things from you.
4. Hire your teenager for special jobs
Teenagers always need money and many have the insane idea that they are entitled to a certain portion of mom or dad’s paycheck every week! You can counter this by offering opportunities to complete special projects around the house as a chance to earn spending money. Is there a room that needs painting? How about a garage that needs to be organized? Give specific goals and only pay when the job is done correctly.
The biggest factor in dealing with a lazy teenager is consistency and communication. Make every effort to continually motivate your teen to have a more active lifestyle through encouragement and support. Do not, under any circumstance, reward or ignore slothful behavior. Parenting is an extremely hard job and only becomes more difficult by failing to instill diligence and developing strong character in our teens. Let your kids know that fun and pleasure come as a result of a good, honest work ethic.
Post a comment
This is not how to deal with a lazy teenager it is how to prevent a lazy teenager.
Carolyn
I agree, instead of telling us its our fault (which we already get), tell us how to fix it.
Cynthia
My nephew's parents already do all of these things with him and he is still lazy. They are at a loss of what to do with him.
Karen
I have always done these things with my daughters, it worked well when they were young, however, now that they are 14 & 18 they do absolutely nothing around the house. I am at my wits end and no matter what type of consequences I dream up I can't get them to help out. I wish I could go on strike!
Cassondra
I will try your suggestions, thanks. I thought about some of them and tried, but I gradually lost hope. My problem is that I could not get her out of bed, I could not get her to do chores other than put the dishes in kitchen sink.Everything I ask her to do including house chores, such as watering the vege garden, take laundry out from the washer and so on.She likes to negociate with me and my husband, "what I am going to get if I do this or that...? Oh?"Please help, Frustrated parents--
Hui
what is she going to get?? holy cow! that made me mad just reading it!!
if my daughter asked me this, if it were really THAT hard to get her to do ANYTHING, I think my first instinct would be to take everything out of her room - tv, radio, ipod, clothing, furniture, bed (I'd leave the matress on the floor with 1 blanket), even the door off it's hinges. then say "there, you have to work to get it all back and you have to work to keep it". tough love never hurt anyone.
I grew up in a home where keeping and running a home was a group effort. everyone lived there, so one person was not expected to keep it running. clean clothes, a clean home and food on the table were enjoyed by ALL, so everyone needed to take part in providing it for the rest of us.
I feel for you if your teen is really that way, but you are the parent and changes can only happen if YOU put your foot down and make it happen.
dianerene
You're a woman after my own heart, diane. I did that with my son - took away things bit by bit. The computer, the Playstation, the hi-fi etc and just kept taking until all he had was his bed and half a dozen books left. He thought I was kidding but when they didn't reappear in his room within a week he realized I wasn't and started doing what he should have been doing anyway. It definitely made an impression.
fiery
It would have made an impression with me as well, but I don't remember ever having the nerve to verbally ask my parents "what do I get?" wow!!! I am flinching at the thought of those words passing through my lips ... daddy's backhand would have been the answer to that! lol
I thoroughly believe in the tough love tactic if it's warranted. I haven't had to go to the extreme of removing furniture, but courtney has lost phone, ipod, tv and computer privledges ... she usually gets her act together pretty quickly. I have seriously considered removing the doors off the rooms of the little ones - mostly because they are into slamming them in the others face :::sigh::: but that is another post entirely ...
dianerene
My dad too, diane! He would have killed me then asked questions later. I'd never have gotten away with voicing something like that. I just won't tolerate it with my own son, and even if he gets to be seven feet tall, I still won't.
Sorry, Hui, but I see her actions as disrespectful and I personally have no tolerance for that in children, mine or anyone else's. You really do need to nip it in the bud now because the older she gets, the worse she'll get. Do you really want her to grow into adulthood like that because she'll never make it out there in the working world with that kind of attitude. As diane says, it's tough love, but it's still love.
diane, I mailed you a screwdriver just in case the mood strikes lol.
fiery
LMAO!!! thanks, Kay! It will be put to good use [:'(]
dianerene
You're very welcome. Of course you can't forget you need to get them to do it, no point in you having to do all that heavy lifting! LOL. [:o] Ah kids, you've gotta love them eh.
fiery
LMAO!!!
OMG, you just reminded me of something my dad used to say to us ... he would tell us to get up and change the channel, or get up and get him a pepsi ... IF he was in a good mood, we could do it and jokingly say "why don't you get up and get it" and his reply was always, "that's what I had you for". I have said something similar to my own girls, especially when they get the "why do I have to do EVERYTHING?!" syndrome.
dianerene
I have a 13 yr old and i have done every one of these ideas.I have give up hope.I am a single parent,but i dont know if thats the reason for his behavior.He expects me to pay for things he should pay for.He won't clean his room,he doesn't respect me either.I have cancer so i am sick,and i think he uses my illness to take advantage of me as well.if anyone has some good advice,i am open to some suggestions.
lost
Lost, I'm so sorry to hear that about your illness and what you're going through with your son. I don't think for a minute you being a single parent has anything to do with it but is it possible it could be your son's reaction to your illness? Sometimes the kids act out to get our attention, even it's negative attention, when they just don't know how else to communicate. It's very likely he's worrying about what's going to happen.
Can I ask, do you have any kind of support system? Any family or friends that can talk to your son perhaps? Or anyone that you can talk to yourself about what's going on with you and your son or your illness? I can't imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes but I would like to help you if possible, and if that's ok with you.
I really feel that someone needs to talk to your son, not only to give him the chance to voice how he's feeling but also to make it clear how much he's hurting you by his actions. How's he doing at school, anything going on there perhaps? Just trying to think of all the reasons...
I'd bet there's local cancer support and/or single parent groups that could help in some way if you contacted them. If you would be interested in that, I'll gladly try help you find out what's available locally. You can PM me your location if you'd prefer not to post it publicly. Of course, if you choose not to, I understand. You just do whatever you're comfortable with.
Keep your chin up, hon. In my experience, people do care and will help if you just let them know you need it.:) There's many good people at Family Lobby alone that I'd bet are more than willing to offer a sympathetic ear.
take care, lost. And know that you're among friends here. :)
Kay
fiery
Hello, I'm reading all the postings and actually feeling kind of normal again. I thought I was the only one going through a mouthy 12 almost 13 in a month year old. Iwake up and see my daughter on the cpmputer listening to music, and she ignores me and doesn't even say goodmorning. When I ask her to help with the dishes like she is supposed to do she yells and says I WILL!She always talks back and I'm very frustrated. I took her cell phone away indefinately. I'm not sure how long I should keep it. She does not keep her room picked up until I yell again and may be she might pick up a little. Does any one have any advice? Thanks
Emmy
Emmy, I'd say keep it until she can treat you properly and if that means forever, so be it. Seriously, I'd be taking the computer priviledges away since that's what she likes to do. You'll see I mentioned before doing that with mine and I kept doing it until things changed. You need to lay down the law now before she gets any older and be consistent. Good luck - trust me, we hear ya. :)
fiery
you know, I find myself asking the kids over and over and over ... why do I have to yell for something to get done? we all know what our chores are and we all know the consequences of not doing them, but I still have to yell to get my point across! it's infuriating.
I have found that with my 16 year old, clear and simple instructions work best. we have found, through much trial and error, that when she yells back that she will or she knows, she usually doesn't realize that she has just snapped ... and some of that is MY fault because of what I mentioned above ... no one hears me until I yell ...
So now I try very hard to remain calm and make sure that I have their full and undivided attention when I ask for them to please get up and attend to their chores. If the 16yo snaps, I point out (nicely, without yelling - lol), 'hey, that was uncalled for.' or 'please don't respond that way, I'm reminding you because I don't want to punish you'. it works and we both have become aware of the way we pop off at each other. it's also helping the little ones to see that it doesn't have to be a screaming match to get out points across, we can be civil to each other.
as far as the punishment ... we have time limits for everything in this house. courtney has an hour of internet on school nights and she is not supposed to be on unless she asks for permission. the phone is also turned into me each night to charge in my room. when she not keeping up with her chores, I make her turn the phone in earlier until she can show consistency in keeping her stuff done without reminders or with only a few. as she does well, she gets to lengthen her time with the phone. it has been a struggle and sometimes we have to take a couple of steps back before we can move forward again, but it's a learning experience. the next 2 girls should be a piece of cake, right? [:o]
dianerene
my post got kinda long and I still managed o forget something ... I have found even my 8 year old tends to zone out and forgets that she lives with other people. so when I pass by and say something to one of them and I don't get a response, I walk back and say "good morning" ... "GOOD MORNING" ... "hello? I am talking to you!!" sometimes I will get silly and they will get annoyed, but I tell them if they acknowledge me the first time, I don't have to be a dork ;)
dianerene
well i tried grounding my daughter didnt work she wont get up for school she wont get up at week ends she fights with her other brothers i took the computer away stopped her goin to freinds but she still wont changed i even tryed compromising sayin if she went to school with out walkin out she get a fone it didnt last 2 days so why do i seem to have teen from hell i buy her make up and new shoes cause she says kids make fun of her i cant win have u any suggestions
maz
Maz, I am having the same problem with my daughter, at first I thought she was on drugs then changed my mind and now I think she's mentally disturbed. I wish death penalty for daughters could be brought back in SA!
tired of crying mother
what?!?
dianerene
Easier said than done; it's always been the case.My 13 year-old has become more canning than ever.No matter how I approach her problem with her schoolwork she always manages to tap into the element that I'm only human. I'm not perfect to follow through with keeping an eye on every single rule that needs to be kept by her, and she knows that!She will gradually fall right back into her lazy Fs and keep them from me until I get her reportcard. I cannot trust her at all.
yuzu
You know this is not the same world I grew up in and to even think about the pressures kids have today makes me glad I'm not a kid anymore too. Things are way to fast. Does anyone have a sit down meal anymore? Does anyone talk to their child? No I mean really talk to their children anymore? I'm not talking about the 15 minutes you have before they go off to school or the few minutes as their going off to some sporting event or club meeting? There are to many video games, to many tv shows and cell phones in this world. Can't change these facts but as parents we have to spend time with our children, real time. Start when they are young so they grow up to like us. Sure ask them if they LOVE you, well most of the time they will say yes. But do they like you as a person? Being a parent is scary but just think back to how it felt to be a kid? Just my thoughts.
Darcy
My stepson's attention doesn't span. He will not do his homework, and he'll spend an hours energy getting out of fifteen minutes of homework. He has no regular responsibilities. I have taken away all video games and other interests until he gets his grades up. It isn't working! His mother constantly gives in to him, how can I get through to her? I'm about sick of the phrase "whatever".
Shawn
My teen Daughter sleeps when she comes home from school and is very quickly putting on weight. She also seems depressed. We agreed that she should take the dog out for a long brisk walk after school, I hope this will help her to overcome the constant tiredness and make her feel better about herself. I like your idea of taking away pocket money unless she keeps this up.. I think that will work.
Emy
Ohhhh That "Whatever" Phrase. I do not like it. I finally found a way to stop it. After I told her the rule of not saying it because it was rude and disrespectful. and that it meant to me that she was blowing what I said off, the next time she said it to me, she had to write it 100 times. The next is 200 and so on. She has only gotten to 500 times and it has been 3 months since I put it into effect.
Christy
my twelve year old daughter just sits and watches videos the entire day. she refuses to do any work around the house.
gita
It's the same in Australia.
Tracey
I am the step-mom...so I am the "bad guy" aound here. My husband's 17-year old - wannabe rapper -does absolutely nothing. On his Christmas break he spends endless hours on the internet, watching tv, or playing video games. He has no chores that he is responsible for in our home. My husband will not make his son do anything. It is driving me crazy....and it makes us argue. I have been told that I am not the one who can disciipline...it is his father's responsiblity. My husband goes to work in the day and the boy is here all day with me. Just has no ambition....what can I do to ignore this and act like it doesn't bother me? I feel like the child here....The boy gets away with everything! Someone give me some advice before i go crazy
Lisa
I turn off internet access and TVs and video games. My children have never been allowed to veg all day long. They need to do something productive, and if they complain they are "bored", they are put to work.
Internet, TV and video games are not allowed ANY day unless all chores are completed.
I would tell hubby, that HE needs to set up some chores for his son or take his butt to work with him. When my step son was here, hubby would have him mow the lawn, work on a project or he would take him to the office and put him to work. I didn't discipline my step son, never had to, but you better believe that he was expected to uphold the same rules as the other children in the house.
dianerene
my problem with my child is that she has a huge weight gain....she has IBS n gerd and is sick a lot...Dr. says to get her moving to loose the weight but she is always sick...I am not sure what to do...when she is not sick she does not do her walking...other than this she is great kid, no talking back or anything!!!thanks
kimmer
Hi there, wow some great advice. I have a 16yr old boy with some special needs. He is failing his grades and doesn't seem to care. I cannot figure out if this is laziness or if he is struggling with the work. I have taken everything away, phone, music, sports, computer everything he enjoys. He is even grounded, so no friends. It doesn't seem to be working. I am at my witts end, when asked to do something his remark" yah I will , or later" so then I freak out and then he hauls ass, but I do not like to have to reach that point (which seems to be happening more often)HELP!
Ray
We have a 14 year old who is struggling in all classes except 1 (the only one he "likes". His organizational skills are horrible and he can never seem to remember to do anything that involves school or chores. We have taken away video games, cell phone, internet, and have grounded him during the school week. Still it seems he doesn't care. All teachers have said he is more than capable of making the honor role but doesn't apply himself. We are at our wits end and don't know what to do. It seems all the grounding and taking away of things doesn't do any good. How do you motivate this type of person? By the way last year, honor roll. First quarter this year 1 grade from honor role. This quarter 3 grades tha are almost failing.
givingup?
kimmer, that's great that you have such a good kid, congrats. :) Have you tried finding out how other parents that deal with those special circumstances handle it? There's a few sites listed here that relate to those conditions where she could connect with other kids and you could connect with parents that understand it better. Make sure you check out the "Resources for Parents " part too on the left.
http://www.ideaskids.com/teens/teenssupport.html
I thought that would be more helpful than any suggestions I could make. :) What age is she if you don't mind me asking? Is it possible she's depressed as well? I think meeting other kids online that are going through what she is too may help.
Do you have a dog or could you borrow one to walk? She might find that a bit more fun than just plain walking. Even if you could take her to a nice park to walk around, the change of scene might encourage her. Good luck, kimmer and keep us posted on how it goes. :)
fiery
And when all that fails shoot the kid.
Dad
wow! I surely hope that was made in jest [X(]
dianerene
I second that emotion. And even if it was, I still don't find that funny.
fiery
To be honest my daughter hates doing P:E but i don't care much for it she tells me she smokes and she has sex, she got caught giving oral sex but what can i do it's her life i will try and guide her if she don't want to listen owell, her mum left us so i think that has an impact on why she is the way she is. she is only 15 and is currently pregnant i am happy for her and wouldnt cahnge her for the world! i will let her drink smoke whatever at the end of the day it's her life and i just want her to be happy.
Dad505
HI,I HAVE 2 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND I NEVER SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ASKING ANY OF THEM TO DO CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE.THEY DONT REALLY PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND THEY ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO CONTACT THEIR FRIENDS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. WHEN THEY GET OUT OF LINE THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE GETTING. I MIGHT SOUND STRICT, BUT YOU MOTHERS NEED TO TAKE A LEAF OUT OF MY BOOK. REMEMBER YOU ARE THE PARENT AND THEY ARE YOUR CHILD WHEN THEY LEAVE YOUR HOUSE THEN THATS WHEN THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT.
MUM 32*
Mum 32 i don't know how you can be that strict at the end of the day it is there life! making them feel restricted like how you do with your controlling ways will make them resent you in the futre mayb you should take a leaf out of my book. we currently live in ney york which is terribal for my daughter the boys she gets involved with a voulger. wwe are currently on the move to LA, cali where we can settle down it is about doing the best for her no resticting her.
Dad505
My daughter is lazy and refuses to become a responsible adult. What do I do in this case? Here are the facts: She is 21 years old, and didn't want to join the working world, so she married a guy who she ran into, and really only dated a week or two (but she knew him back when she was 15, and a dated a little back then, by phone). He promised her she wouldn't have to work (and she was all for that), which was code for I will control you in all ways possible. He turned out to be a total ass. Now she is 2 months pregnant and she lives back at home, and he lives 400 miles away. Yeah, they have split up, go figure, not even married a full year and split up 2-3 months ago. Ok, she needs to go to work, to raise money for the baby, but sleeps in every day until about noon or 1pm, then plays video games, watches tv, gets a bite to eat, and returns to watch tv. She like to color in coloring books, and do other things that would be common to children 12 and under. Get my drift? What do I do? My husband (her step father) says I need to exercise some tough love, if even by just hasseling her a little to find work. he claims that things will get worse. I can't be tough with my kids. He says that they will have trouble adapting in the future. Is this an example? Thank you for your honest responses.
bgs
Is my daughter is lazy? She is dragging her feet in becoming a responsible adult. What do I do in this case? Here are the facts: She is 21 years old, and not enthused about the working world, so she married a guy who she ran into, and really only dated a week or two (but she knew him back when she was 15, and they dated a little, back then, by phone). He promised her she wouldn't have to work, which was code for I will control you in all ways possible. He turned out to be a total jerk, and I do mean total. Now she is 2 months pregnant and she lives back at home, and he lives 400 miles away. Yeah, they have split up, go figure, not even married a full year and split up 2-3 months ago. Ok, she needs to go to work, to raise money for the baby, but sleeps in every day until about noon or 1pm, then plays video games, watches tv, gets a bite to eat, and returns to watch tv. She thinks this is all a game, and doesn't fathom what is really going on here. Her soon to be ex has implied the pregnancy was her way to solidify her sedintary lifestyle, and she honestly does not appear to be concerned that they have split up. She likes to color in coloring books, and do other things that would be common to children 12 and under (listen to childrens music, watch childrens shows, etc.). Get my drift? What do I do? My husband (her step father) says I need to exercise some tough love, if even by just hasseling her a little to find work. He claims that things will get worse. I can't be tough with my kids. He says that they will have trouble adapting in the future. Is this an example? Thank you for your honest responses.
bgs44
My daughter had a bad start in secondaryu school.she got caught giving oral sex in the local woods and since then has been a vitim of bullying. I want her to be like me! you see she gives it away for free when i earn money for it ...sometimes it's what you have to do to survie i want to teach her that she can earn off of it. Recently her boyfriend died and it hit her hard. she recently slept with ten men in the space of a week before his funeral to hide her pain. If i slept with ten men whitin a week i would have earnt a fortune but silly cow earnt NOTHING.
mum 24
That is really sad mum 24. Are you serious?? Have you taken her to a therapist? Maybe you should see one too.
Lisa
kids now days just need a good ass kicking thats all. its just a shame you cant discipline your kids without them threatening to call cps
ric
Wow, I got on this a.m. for advice for my 16yr old son and I'm speechless. I knew the gaming world wasn't good, but it is affecting these kids. What kind of future generation are we raising? I like many of you are struggling with his laziness, hygiene, and lack of motivation. I have 2 other kids and have no problems with them, we are all a responsible and hard working family. We give lots of love and stability daily. My oldest boy got into WOW online gaming 3 yrs ago and has sunk into a black hole. NOTHING interests him anymore. He was popular, smart, lots of friends, excellent in sports(soccer) and now none of that exists. My husband and I have tried to limit hours, use parent controls and problem seems to be worse. I loose sleep over this. I would appreciate any insight you all can give me. Thank you very much.
jen
I am a grand mother trying to understand why my daughter lets her 18 year old son runs rings around her,especially as she had to work and takeon responsibility from 15 years old.Do not tell me that she is rebelling,she is far too intelligent for that.
alice owen
my kids tell me I am the meanest mom in the whole world. I went to my local hardware store and bought heavy duty electrical plugs with matching male and female ends went into each of my kids rooms ( I have 6 kids ranging from 8-17) I cut each one tv cords in half and attached the flat ends to their tvs and the prong end on the other end of the cords every time they don't want to turn off their tv or gaming systems to go out and participate with us as a family or chores aren't done i take their cords and they look at me with pain in their eyes like i killed their pet. but I don't have to yell or say anything they know what is needed to be done or where they are going liking it or not. lol. my seventeen year old hates to get up in the morning he was my son from a different planet( he is the kid holding the door frame screaming no let me sleep)i don't want to go to school!!!! until I finally said to him if you can't get up for school on your own in be at school on time I will start making you go to bed early by however long it takes you or how ever long your late. Weekends all your friends will know you have to be in the house by 9pm if you give me more than three problems in the morning and your weekend with friends will be cancelled and you will have no tv no cell phone and no computer. I tease him the world outside will be gone as he knows it. my house is so relaxing most days outside of hockey games ,practices , figure skating and dance lessons. lol
devilsdesire6055
My fifteen year old daughter was always self disciplined when it came to doing chores until about a year ago. Bottom line is teens are going through a lot of changes. It might be society that is changing, but that is because they no longer must work for food. In my house hold my daughter's responsibilities are the same as an adults. If she doesn't wash her own clothes, she doesn't have any clean one's. My kids started washing their own clothes when they were 5 and 8. The older one washed and dryed and the younger one folded. She is also responsible for the food menu, shopping list, cooking, and kitchen clean-up. This teachers her how to be on her own and it's easier to get her to do them because her happiness depends on it. She cleans her own bathroom and she cleans the cat litter boxes. The only thing I have to tell her to get done is the dishes and the cat boxes. The rest comes with surviving. I can tell you, it is a huge help. We do have to sacrifice some choices in dinner (but now i don't have to answer the question "what's for dinner mom"). She does have quite the chore list because she only has to be at school once a week. She does the rest online. However you can modify the list to work with their schedule. You can teach them things like doing the bank recs or the household budget. Why make kids do traditional jobs...we all know they suck. Our goal as parents is to teach them how to live their lives and encourage them. I have to tell my daughter to not take her bad moods out on me and I explain to her why she's in those moods.When all else fails parents...remember that we can't force our kids to change their personalities all we can do is accept them and work with them. If we change their chores often, they are more likely to do them and we teach them how to do everything. We taught them to water the lawn 5 years ago...shouldn't they be learning to balance a check book now or make a budget. It's still helping out the family....maybe parents just want them doing the chores we don't to do.
DBLSB
Lil Wing Wong Tong No Do Chores Around House He Sit on His Lil Chinky Arse On The Xbox Allday Long Lil Bastards These Days So I Shit On Him Say Get Off Xbox Bitch
Mr Wong Tong
I agree with DBLSB. I did the same with my four children and all was great for many years, they were all great kids and I enjoyed them to the fullest but my three boys turned 18 one year right after three years in a role. Once the first one turned 18 all hell broke loose. Its like freedom for him, he moved out before he could afford it and skipped out on college. the next one got a 16 year ole pregnant, joined the army, moved to Alaska is hasn't spoken to me or anyone in his family for over a year. the next one decided he wanted to go to the army too, but couldn't handle it and now is back buming on my couch and I can't get him to do anything. So far my girl is still doing good but she is only 16. I'm hoping that she is learning from the boys and wont go there when she turns 18 like they did.
WORRIED
I have a 12 year old daughter who expects me to do everything for her and provide at the drop of a hat money, taxi service, fine dining and laundry pick-up floor service. I talk until I'm blue in the face and she indicates (i'm sorry) and continues to perform her lazy habits. Help!!! Any suggestions. She is an only child and I have spoiled her since her fathers death 5 years ago. She thinks she's the boss.
Tammy
Hi Tammy-
I remember going here there and anywhere she wanted me to take her. I too spoiled my daughter however we were so close, she is at an age when I consider this type of behavior quite normal. I did not mind doing all these things for her as long as she treated me with respect. Respect to me was not lying, making her grades in school, being with the right group of girls. Sure it was hard at times we had our ups and downs but always close. I wanted to instill in her truth, respect, education. She is all grown up now she went to college, then got her masters degree, now works for the Federal Government. These days the main thing is keeping our children self esteem high. My daughter got a job when she was 14 working at a little tanning salon by one of my friends that owned it. She has never stop working. Give her some chores around the house nothing that would overwhelm her just something that SHE knows she is responsible for. If that is not done she should be told I take you places and you can do this little chore or one of the places you want me to take you I will not. Hang in there she is 12 you have a ride ahead and it will depend on how you handle it. A child is not spoiled if taught the right ways in ways and obeys them.
Donnabee
I need help. I am a single mom of twin 17 year old daughters. They have started running around with a couple of new friends that have them convinced that they are now adults and don't have to pay attention to rules or curfew, and have given them the idea that I have no business telling them anything. It has gotten so bad that one of my daughters has started telling me how much she hates me, that she doesn't respect me and that I am stupid. I have NEVER told either of my girls that they were anything other than wonderful. I am not a pushover, but I am not a strict disciplinarian either. I have tried to allow them to grow and make choices based on the morals I have taught them but I cannot take much more of this. It is to the point where I am wanting them to move out, no matter where they go. Neither one has a job. I have tried for almost two years (they will be 18 in July) to get them to get a job. They keep telling me that it is THEIR weekend, or THEIR spring break or THEIR summer...... I am soooo tired of hearing this. I work long hard hours to give them what they need. I get accused of never being home. I try to teach them basic house work, I get accused of favoring one over the other by giving the "crap" jobs to one even though I rotate them weekly. If anything gets done it is half way at best. The fights are completely unreal, I would NEVER have spoken to my parents like this. Now, they ignore me in my own home, and just walk out the door without a goodbye or this is where I am going. Is this behavior normal?
momofteentwins
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