| | | | When I Say ‘Bad’, I Don’t Mean Good |
By Glenn A. Hascall 
Have you seen the state of children these days? - Disrespectful, disobedient, dishonest and not very nice. What in the world is going on? An entire generation of kids with bad attitudes - and when I say ‘bad’, I don’t mean good.
I must admit I’ve been preoccupied with the subject lately. Being a guy, I even came up with five ways to help you change the attitude of your child. Topics range from “Grounding Until Graduation: The Ultimate Attitude Adjustment” and “Hey Whatzamatayou?”.
Then something happened that changed my entire thought process on bad attitudes. Are you ready? Here goes - when my children have bad attitudes, it might just be my fault.
Hey, I’m a firm believer in each individual taking responsibility for their own actions and I hope my kids will do that, but this discovery has more to do with parents than children.
Imagine an altercation between father and son. The father learns that the boy’s teacher noted grumpy behavior during class and the child didn’t respond well to the other kids. Dad takes his little progeny off to the side and gives him a stern look, “Son, if we have this kind of trouble again. I’m going to have to banish you from everything remotely fun until you can shave with your nostrils.”
Did you notice how the dad responded to his son? The grumpy son is met by a ‘grumpy’ dad. Junior has simply been a mirror’s reflection. If a son or daughter is always responded to negatively, he or she may well believe this is an accepted response to replicate. If a child feels he can’t possibly live up to parental expectations he will stop trying.
What to do?
How about lowering your expectations.
That doesn’t mean you give up on your child or allow them to do whatever they want. It does mean that you set goals that are achievable. After all, you can’t reasonably ask a ‘C’ average student to suddenly produce ‘A’s’. Set a reasonable goal and then cheer like a madman when success comes. She just might want to do it again. Then you can increase the expectations over time always making sure your child can actually do what you’re asking.
When we approach our children in stern rebuke, they may be learning a lesson we didn’t intend to teach. They see Dad or Mom as a harsh referee - and frankly we don’t look so good in black and white.
We can’t condone poor behavior, but our children must see that we love them - even when they mess up.
If a child has seen stern, authoritarian, loveless parenting it is still possible that they may be well behaved, but it’s also possible they are simply biding their time until they can opt out of that parent-child relationship.
A parent’s joy gives children great strength. If a child is convinced Dad and Mom are on their side they will be more than willing to impress their cheerleaders. If a parent’s face regularly looks like they got a hold of a bad pickle, the child will come to a point where they are convinced they will never be able to do anything right. They might even stop trying because all they feel is condemnation. When anyone feels condemned they lose the hope of being valued.
I’ve been learning that some of the greatest changes I can make in my kiddos happen when I make changes in me. After all, the only person I have control over is me. When I demonstrate loving forgiveness to my children the results are profound. My children love to have their Daddy wrap his arms around them in love after they’ve blown it.
Knowing I’ve forgiven them makes it easier for my children to do the right thing next time.
Post a comment
FamilyLobby.com Articles is your source for family-related articles. Talk about this article in the FamilyLobby Community.
|
|
|
|
|
StumbleUpon
