| | | | Will They Ever Stop? What To Do When Your Children Fight |
By Penny S. Harmon
Just as you sit down to relax or start a phone conversation, they start up again. It never fails. Your children are fighting again. To you, it seems like it will never end. They scream, they yell, throw things, and sometimes use fists. You wonder if you kids will ever stop fighting and what can you do to make them stop. The important thing to remember is that it will stop. Eventually. However, there are things you can do to make the constant bickering ease up.
One of the most typical reactions a parent has when their children are fighting is to yell themselves. You yell, “Cut it out! You guys are driving me crazy!” While this may help you to get your feelings out, it is only going to escalate the situation. You need to keep your head clear and think before you yell at them. It can also lead to taking sides with one child and threatening the children that if they don’t stop, you’ll take action. Again, this only escalates the situation.
When there are two children in the family, it gives them an opportunity to learn how to get along. There will be fights and there will be arguments. Sometimes, they simply have to learn how to deal with it themselves. For example, if both your children are fighting over a toy, sit them down and put the toy in between them. Tell them, there are two of them and one toy and you are sure they can come with a way to make both of them happy. Then walk away. For the majority of the time, they will be able to work it out themselves.
Another thing you can do is allow them to speak about their feelings. Let them know that they can speak how they feel, but they must do it in a calm manner and they must not use actions, such as hitting, pinching, or pulling hair. If there is an argument that turns into a fist fight, this is the time to deal out a punishment, such as taking a time-out. Do not, however, offer punishment for a child speaking their mind. In order to get back to their happy place, they have got to get their feelings out and reward them when they do so in a calm manner.
While you may wonder as a parent what you’ve done wrong that all your children do is fight, you must remember that this is normal. They are learning socialization skills and this is your opportunity to teach them cooperation.
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