| | | | Dealing With Temper Tantrums |
By Darlene Zagata
Everyone that has ever had a child has had to deal with a temper tantrum. It always seems that children have perfect timing when throwing these tantrums. You know the scenario. You’re in the middle of the grocery store or the department store when suddenly your child starts screaming and kicking. Your child’s tantrum has drawn the attention of onlookers and it seems as if everyone in the store has turned to stare at you. It’s the type of feeling that makes you wish you could turn invisible. Well, we can’t become invisible and we can’t turn our children’s crying off with a remote. All we can do is put our best parenting skills into play and deal with the tantrum.
We often wonder why our children throw such awful tantrums when there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with them. There can be a variety of reasons for such behavior. Young children tire easily even though they may appear quite the opposite. When children get tired they get cranky. If you’ve been out running errands or shopping with your child in tow, it’s only natural for the child to be tired and cranky.
If you must take your child with you, make the trips shorter and more frequent. If the child has a regular naptime, try to avoid outings around that time. For example, don’t take the child out an hour before naptime if you’re going to be gone a longer length of time because you know your child will be tired.
Sometimes a temper tantrum will result when a child wants something he or she can’t have. We don’t like to tell our child no but we often do so out of necessity and to protect them. When a child must be denied an object for reasons of safety or otherwise, try to replace the object of attention with something else that may be just as captivating.
Children may have tantrums when other children take something from them. As parents are well aware many children have difficulty grasping the concept of sharing. Children will also sometimes throw a tantrum for attention. Child experts may disagree with the idea that children will behave in an inappropriate way just to gain attention but parents know that they do. If parents are busy or preoccupied, what better way for a child to get Mom or Dad’s attention?
No matter what the reason is for your child’s tantrum, try not to get upset or exasperated. It’s not easy for a frustrated parent to calm down an upset child. That’s like throwing another log on the fire. Take a deep breath and be patient. Hold and comfort your child. Reassure him or her that it’s okay to get angry or to be upset. When you and your child are both calm, you can talk about the tantrum, why it occurred and how to behave better next time. Reassure your child that you love him and that you are not angry with him. But also let your child know that his behavior is unacceptable.
Children react the only way they know how, which like adults in many cases, is from an emotional stance. Help the child to understand that the emotion he is feeling is normal but give him better alternatives rather than behaving in an unacceptable manner. Temper tantrums are normal but if a child exhibits anger issues as he gets older that only seem to intensify or the child is unusually mean to siblings, pets or other children there could be an underlying emotional problem that may require the help of a child psychologist. But don’t let temper tantrums get the best of your temper. This too will pass.
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