| | | | Critter Condominiums and Hamper Desolation |
By Glenn A. Hascall
"The clothes go in the hamper!"
Have you ever said that to your child? They change clothes and discard the remnants onto a floor already teaming with what would seem a tent city in need of the specialized care of the OrkinŽ Man.
Your child utters some sort of nondescript language that is just positive enough to make you think a miracle is forthcoming, yet not understood clearly because you soon notice the tent city enlarges and a new critter condominium opens for expansion.
Invariably, you intervene and evict the growing population in your child's room and spend a significant amount of time redeeming the clothing so carelessly discarded.
You move the clothing from washer to dryer and then fold the clothes and place them in your child's drawers. You look at the room and emit a satisfied sigh as you move on to other monumental challenges that come with parenthood.
The next morning, however, as you look in your offspring's abode you see a well-loved shirt on the floor with a 'for rent' sign. A lovely beetle couple is seriously negotiating for the accommodations and has change of address forms ready to sign.
At this point you are certain your blood pressure is reaching a new and potentially dangerous level. You yell, you weep, you occasionally gnash your teeth and generally resemble something you thought you left behind in preschool.
Your child looks at you with placid eyes and once more makes vague promises that hold little meaning. You leave the room in search of either coffee or chocolate and wonder what sort of genetic code was deleted that prevents your child from recognizing the moral imperatives of cleanliness.
There might be an easy solution to this scented situation - refrain from lecturing about the virtues of cleanliness, refuse to constantly remind your child that the clothing needs to be put in its proper place - simply make sure they understand what's expected and then leave them alone.
I promise you there will come a time when they will conform to the family standard if for no other reason than self preservation. You see, there will come a time when they will adopt a wailing and gnashing of teeth posture and lament the fact that they have someplace to go and can't get dressed up.
At that point you can calmly explain that while you can relate to such misery, you fulfilled your end of the bargain and searched the hamper to make sure the family's clothing needs were addressed and there didn't appear to be a need for clean clothing from this particular quarter of the house. Let your child know that with their assistance you would be happy to help them tackle their cleaning issues - although perhaps for this outing they may need to wear the 'cleanest' articles of clothing presently available. Such an approach may speak louder than all the lectures you have previously spoken. In the end, your blood pressure is stabilized and your child has miraculously seen the error of their ways. Interestingly, other noncompliance issues can be addressed in a similar way.
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