By Yana Mikheeva
A woman is not pregnant being on her own, if she’s living with a close man. As a rule, two partners are “pregnant”. How does this happen? We all know that close people living together have even similar thoughts, they become looking like each other, symptoms of their diseases are same, if one of them is sick (this does not include infections). A man experiences pregnancy almost as much strongly, as a woman. And they often say: “We’re pregnant”, “We’re expecting a baby”…
Most often, this is extreme for a man!
This situation is even more extreme for a man, than for a woman. She is fulfilling her mission on this planet. She knows that this is her duty and responsibility – to become a mother. You know, maternity is a main life goal of every woman.
Nature proves this. Males compete with each other, fight for females, chase about them touchingly… Females choose the strongest or healthiest male, “thinking” about healthier posterity. Then, when a choice is made, all living strives to reproduction. A nature’s law! And later, when female becomes pregnant, she does not allow male approaching her already, she achieved her goal. A stage of bearing takes place. In nature females use males only as a measure to achieve a goal – posterity.
In our life measures and goals are much more varied and global. However, maternity is still the strongest “animal”, unconscious female instinct. That’s why, regardless of weight of present-day child-bearing and delivery, this situation is still more natural for a woman, than for a man.
What does a man think of after hearing such wonderful news?
News about coming fatherhood firstly cause a real SHOCK in a man, especially if he’s young, ambitious, full of powers and energy. This state is known to majority of men all over the world. He does not feel boundless joy, happiness, like they write in “female” magazines. He does not think that he has made an important contribution to humanity, that someone will use his name with pride and continue clan and his business. Sorry, men, but more often you think that now “you’re harnessed” and your “sweet freedom and careless youth are over”… Of course, not all men think so! Some of them also think: “I haven’t got on to feet yet! How could this happen?! It’s off the point…”
A woman is all inside her world, and all her thoughts and feelings are directed to only one thing – a baby, developing inside of her. Inner power or wisdom from above guides her through life… And other people also notice some detachment of a future mother, an aureola around her, coming from inside, calm, thoughtfully-mysterious wet shine in eyes, softness and defenselessness, unusual for her before… And a man feels anxiety, panic and fears more, than his pregnant woman. Joy of paternity comes to them much more later. Now they take responsibility, they are obliged against their will, they have to be responsible for major part of external troubles, besides psychological support, create a protective barrier between a woman, bearing his baby, and rest of the world. Pregnancy brings radical changes in both people’s life, in their relationships, view on surrounding world. This is an abrasion testing for a family, trust and understanding of each other. This is restriction of wishes, responsibility for your “developing future”, re-building of plans and reconsideration of life values, submersion into endless everyday matters… This is a critical situation, but without “critical” days. A man is thinking about all these things, and he feels not so much joy.
Future father’s behavioral reaction?
Many factors influence a future father’s behavior. First of all, these are his individual qualities, upbringing in a family with parents and attitude to his own family and wife, personal maturity, ability to realize appearing life difficulties and new responsibility, capacity for struggling with these difficulties, wish to accept his absolutely new role: a defender, support, bread-winner and educator…
It’s very difficult for a man to be tuned to his wife’s wave of feelings. A woman is in constant contact with her future baby since the very beginning of pregnancy. Pregnancy gives a unique opportunity to receive lots of unusual, new, exciting feelings, a feeling of fullness, unity, divine mercy… Many men are amazed and delighted, others accept it calmly, as a physiological peculiarity, and some even envy a woman’s ability to give birth to a new, dear, closest little person of her own flesh and blood, giving life… And then a woman nurses this tiny, weak, pursy creature with her milk, fills it with life, and it grows, becomes stronger, turns into a person so quickly… Something divine, supernatural and mysterious is hidden here. This creates a feeling of a woman’s supreme power in some men, and, on the other hand, of his imperfection, unimportance and God’s injustice. A wish to feel his power or lack of attention incites some men to search ways of compensation of their condition somehow. This way excess passion for work, women, car, friends or something else appears.
Firstly, a man thinks he faces only losses – less attention from his wife, may be sexual hunger because of wife’s unwilling, loss of freedom, social and everyday problems, uncertainty and anxiety for not far future… Quite often, with beginning of his woman’s pregnancy, a man feels that a baby, even a potential one, takes his place, that a pregnant woman becomes all-sufficient, receives everything she generally needs from him – a baby. Fear of becoming unnecessary is another powerful emotional experience for a man. A pregnant woman awakens a “mother’s image” in men.
A man’s reaction to pregnancy in many aspects depends on his relationships with his mother in childhood, whether there were trust, care, freedom of self-expression in these relations. We often hear that men are big kids, and a man’s behavior can be a kid’s reaction to his mother on the one hand, and on the other hand – an adult person’s reaction to appearing troubles. We can say that pregnancy is a real connection between two people, a strong one. Both partners cannot already be free: now they are connected with still invisible, but strong thread – a future baby. Often a man feels an insuperable wish to “go back” for the last time, to that relatively relaxed and careless state, to feeling of freedom. And quite often this wish means an affair with other woman. It is a “vacation to past life”, psychological rest from present problems and future matters, possibility to have sex without fear to make harm to a wife and a baby.
Some men feel bored together with their pregnant half. A woman is so impressed with changes happening to her, that she wants to share them with her husband: “I feel sick”, “my back aches”, “he’s moving”, “I want something odd”… She’s already not that attentive and pleasant interlocutor, a participant of merry common events, and some sensitive men are negatively impressed with it… Many men begin paying less attention to their half automatically, they stay on work longer, become thoroughly engrossed in their hobbies.
It is so difficult for a man to understand what happens in a pregnant woman’s organism, as he just cannot sense it even according to his biological nature. However, some men are still trying to penetrate into their partner’s pregnancy and attune their soul biorhythms on a wife’s rhythm, so that to relieve her mission although psychologically. Even level of hormones in blood of such men changes according to their wife, but this only brings good for them. And these men become the most careful and attentive fathers. After childbirth a level of hormones is restored. Such men are well-prepared psychologically for childbirth during 9 months. And a positive image of father is formed in a baby even before birth, and further his father will be as close person for him, as mother. Such man’s active participation makes partners very close, their relationships deeper, and also influences passing of pregnancy, a woman’s emotional state and pre-natal baby development very positively and lays the foundation for his full-value personal development in future.
Majority of women, as a result of some physiological problems, has lowered sexual desire, and a man feels sexual hunger. Family relationships can worsen because of misunderstanding, what may negatively affect passing of pregnancy, woman’s health and further baby development and upbringing.
Some men think that their wife’s new shapes are very erotic. They stroke her belly with pleasure, massage, and others, to the contrary, are afraid even to touch their wife.
Some men also have lowered sexual desire. They are afraid to do harm, hurt a mother and a baby, feeling their fragility and defenselessness. Others grow cool towards their wife, seeing transformation of her body, and while hugging they move away, as they feel the third one is watching them, especially when fetus moves. All this causes discomfort and anxiety.
Sex, like words, even more, is a tool of love communication and it is necessary for harmonic relations between two partners. Sex is necessary also during pregnancy, but it is not obligatory and can even be contra-indicated. Full-value sex or its various forms, sexual desire – this is a very delicate structure that cannot stand violence, depends on hormonal background, presence of love, mood, partners’ attitude to each other, social atmosphere, psychological comfort in a family and many other factors. That’s why both man and woman should try to keep love and sexual desire for each other during pregnancy, and fortify these feelings using all possibly methods, without damage to health, of course.
And you need to be patient. 9 months of pregnancy, then a little capricious baby and he will be such for a long time – what a big period of time, it seems to last for a whole life! That’s it…
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