By Glenn A. Hascall
I just love it when my daughter seems to feel that there should be a waiving of house rules when she has friends over. It becomes obvious that there are rules in our house that are not followed in other homes. I'm not responsible for the behavior of these children, but I certainly can make sure that my daughter doesn't do that whole 'Monkey-see" thing.
My daughter's standard answer when I ask her what they are doing in another room where there is giggling and banging is, Um, we were uh, you know and uh, yeah." Then she turns around and heads back to her room.
This is the point where I invite her to return to visit her father for a more in depth conversation. Funny, she never seems to like this invitation.
Peer pressure makes it easy to slip away from the virtue of obedience. As my children grow I see more and more the tendency to test their wings. Sometimes they are still adamant about their ability to fly even when they land hard.
I suppose as parents we keep letting go a little each day and then welcome them back when they make those mistakes. We can be extremely overbearing and end up frustrating our children when our goal was to keep them safe.
Parenting isn't a safe proposition. Being a growing child is not a safe proposition. The tough part is trying to find a balance where, as a paren,t you protect your child to the best of your ability while keeping a prime directive in mind.
What is the prime directive?
Your child will one day be independent of you. Help your child learn or grow in independence.
Call them to account when things go south, but do so in love.
Children are, by their very nature, going to make mistakes. Use these events as teachable moments where they can be redirected to a place of better long-term decision making
If you never let them make a mistake your child will simply wait to make them when they get out on their own and you may not be there to help them through it.
Don't expect perfection because you won't get it. Expect the rules to be followed, but also know that no matter how compliant the child they will test those rules at some point. It's then that you have a choice between steps that lead to alienation or steps that lead to a better choice next time.
As a parent that's a powerful choice.
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