Forgiveness in marriage takes a bit of courage. Little things are easy to forgive. We automatically say “I’m sorry” for small things. But when hurtful words or actions occur, the hurt lingers and forgiving is not only difficult but next to impossible. The reason? The same person who vowed to always love you has hurt you.
Despite the best marriage advice of never letting the sun set on your anger, we seethe when we are hurt. It is a rare person who doesn’t replay angry events in their head. Add to this the fact that the person who hurt you is lying in the same bed with you and you’ve got a real forgiveness problem.
So how can you deal with this problem?
If you truly can’t sit facing this man because your rage is boiling over like hot lava, write him a letter or e-mail saying how hurt you are and why. Let him know you are finding it very hard to forgive him. Expect an answer and a time where you can discuss what can be done to avoid another hurtful situation.
Take into account that the very same love that makes it hard for you to forgive a hurt is the love that brought you into this marriage.
The most difficult situation to forgive in a marriage is the nasty argument. While definitely not on par with infidelity or abuse, nasty arguments have a negative impact on marriage that can lead to marital misery.
Arguments between married couples can turn seriously vicious because you know each other so well; maybe too well. You know exactly what buttons to push and what to say that will hurt the other one the most. You develop an arsenal of verbal weapons that attack your spouse like a heat seeking missile. Having seen that these “anger” words work, you might be tempted to repeat them each and every time you have a fight.