How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over

There is probably not one person reading this who, at one time or another, has not contemplated a divorce. It happens to all of us. As we go through the seasons of our marriage there are times of bliss and love plus times of hurt and frustration. Usually love and good days outnumber the bad and we stay together.

Put in sailing terms by my Dad,

“Honey there will be days of smooth sailing on peaceful seas and days of battling hurricane-like waves. Good sailors don’t abandon ship after one or two storms. They wait it out.”

When then do we “abandon ship?” How do we know that the time has come to just give up on the marriage and go our separate ways?

Fights in a marriage can be productive when they’re “done right.” Though that may seem a strange thing to say, a good fight, a fair fight can help solve a problem that needs to be addressed.

If the words in fights become abusive, however, you create additional problems. Attacking a person’s intelligence, character, talents, dreams, sexual prowess, child-rearing, or physical characteristics, can indeed lead to divorce. Demeaning your spouse is not fighting fair and divorce is an option.

A problem with addiction, either alcohol or drugs, even prescription drugs, can make you seriously consider leaving. Unless you are willing to work to fix the damage and feel confident that your spouse is determined to permanently stop the addictive behavior, you may have to leave for your own health and sanity.

Another reason to end a marriage is that, despite your best efforts, things do not get better. Issues that somehow never got resolved, and festered for years, may have led to your decision.

No one should stay in a marriage that is constantly filled with stress and tension, unfulfilling, and detrimental to their mental and physical health. We were put on earth to live and be happy, fulfill our dreams, and to love and be loved. No one should have that taken away because they feel trapped in a marriage that no longer works.

How do you know when the marriage is truly over? My Dad has a saying for that too.

“If you’re miserable sailing on a certain boat, then get off. That doesn’t mean that you’ll never sail again. It just means that you need to find one that will make you happy.”

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Right now my wife and I are seperated but living in the same house. We've been married for a little over 8 months and we've hit a road block. Our marriage is failing due to the lack of communication between the two of us. She has another man in her life who is caught up in his own struggle, loving his girl friend but wanting to have my wife to. He doesn't want to lose either one and he knows he'll have to hurt one or the other. I feel he's riding this out until it eventually blows up which he obviously thinks will never happen. My wife feels like she's trapped and never does anything for herself, so now shes doing it. Yet at the same time now she's moved on to doing things for him, putting herself in the same situation just with another man. Its funny how the world works, no matter how much you wanna change you still end up resorting back to your same old habits. The communication problem is the route of all evil and is why all the little things tend to pile up and weigh each other down. I want to make this work and I've begun fixing the things that I used to do so wrong but at the same time I feel as if she has already let go. I'm beginning to think she is only putting herself through this situation because of the financial ties we have with each other. I love my wife more than anything in the whole world, she feels she's put enough into trying to fix what we have but that was before everything caved in on us. Now it feels as if she doesn't even want to fix anything, as if she just wants to move on and continue the new road she's find. I feel its running from your problems, whether or not we work I just want her to try to come to an honest resolution instead of letting other things or people decide our fate. Now that we are both feeling the way we feel and know whats going on, its best that we try to come to a resolution because dragging this on is only windiling the soul. I know this is more of a post for the article but I just felt as if I needed to get my word out.

Eric

May I suggest watching the movie Fireproof and doing the course behind it. Marriage is a lifelong covenant with God and our spouses. We have to fight for what God put together or else the enemy will sneak in and destroy it. Fireproof is an awesome eye opener to marriage. Even when you feel as if there is no hope - there is! Pray, believe and trust in God to redeem and restore your marriage!

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!

hi, I have been married for four years. However things have took a turn for the worst. My husband went and got him self in financial debt. However, he is not able to fill his obligation as far as paying the rent. Therefore, I stepped in and started paying all the bills. However, he went and got a cellphone which he has to pay sixty dollars a month. I informed him that he will have to pick his obligation of paying rent again the first of the year. I did not get married to have to pay all the bills. I make a good salary. He does not have a formal education. I have tried to get him to go back and get his GED. He starts but he never completes it. We fight often physically and verbally. It has gotten to the point that I always threaten him with divorcement. He is jealous of my friends and frequently accuses me of sleeping with my boss. He is miserable but seems to be sticking around because he is not stable. He has child support; car note and other expenses. I am really just feed up with him riding on my coat tail.

Pamela

Hi Pamela, It sounds like you both are unhappy. The easy advice is to be happy. If leaving is what makes you happy than do it, life is far too short to stay with someone who you consider to be less than you and someone who is riding on your coat tails.

ChristineB

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Falling in Love Again With Your Spouse

Achieving the Ultimate Joy: Love

Is Your Relationship Really Worth Saving?

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