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Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse?

By Kristen Houghton

Checking our snail-mail at home, I saw a beautifully inscribed wedding invitation. It was from a divorced couple I knew. They were re-marrying each other.

“Come share our happiness as we celebrate our love in our “re-marriage” with a renewal of our original marriage vows.”

I was thrilled to be invited but also a little puzzled because the couple had a bit of a tumultuous married history, initiating divorce proceedings ten years earlier. What had made them get back together and what had prompted them to decide to renew their original vows when those same vows obviously hadn’t “taken” the first time around? Yet here they were getting married…again.

Perhaps there is something to the meaning of the words, “soul-mate.” Some spiritual beliefs say that two souls are destined, from before birth, to be husband and wife. Other religions believe that you and your spouse will wed each other throughout seven reincarnations, regardless of any turmoil you may have experienced as a couple.

Spiritual beliefs aside, there are reasons that you might re-marry your former spouse. One of these is the inherent goodness or qualities of the person with whom you fell in love. You began to love this person for a reason; a part of it may have been their moral strengths, their kindness; their treatment of others. The other person has something intangible that appeals to you.

But, whether you are married five or fifty years, neither of you is not the same man or woman who said the original vows. You have grown as a person. Your ideas and thoughts have undergone change as your knowledge of life has increased. The intangible something that originally brought you together is enhanced by maturity and wisdom.

If the marriage as a whole had been good with mutual respect a primary ingredient, 90% of divorced couples will marry each other within eight years of divorcing. Many will use their original vows while others will have new ones written to express their growth as individuals.

My friend put it best when she said: “We’re “re-marrying” each other because we have found that something was missing in our lives without the other person in it. There was a reason we married in the first place. It’s more than love, it is indefinable. Now that we have knowledge of who we are, and where we want to be, we’re ready to be the couple we know we can be.”

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depends on your reason...if the flame is still there for both, then go for it... any other reason my not be so good...

lc

I would not. Never ever. Call me cynical but I simply can't see that working. Unless there had been huge strides made to change what went wrong first time around and you can be sure the relationship wouldn't regress back to how it was, I don't think it'd be worth the risk. Move forward, not back! I hope those that try do make it, though, and wish them all the luck in the world.

fiery

Not me either. Not ever. I married too young, and although I have matured, he has not. In theory for some it may work, but not in my case. I'm with Kay on this one 110%!

ChristineB

I might. I am certainly thinking thoughts of wanting her to be back in my life and my home again. There is something intangible, perhaps we are soul-mates. All I can tell you is that we've been separated a year now and when I think of her tenderly I still get tears in my eyes. I miss her sweetness and beauty. After the divorce and dating a little bit I realize I changed from the person I was when we married and there was a lack of communication and working together. We can never go back & it is always a forward moving, expansion that has to happen for things to be successful. With maturity, honesty and openness I am thinking it could work. We will never be the same people we were when we first met but we can grow together again after coming to terms with what we can and can not live with in a mate.

B.

I did not think that I ever would consider remarriage with my ex. That being said, after the divorce I missed the good aspects of who he was. When I saw him again, he seemed changed... kind and easier to laugh. I found myself thinking about him quite a bit and missing his voice. I was afraid to tell him that I missed him; my sister encouraged me to talk it over with him. I invited him over and we talked, cried, and laughed together. We are moving back in together soon. I am more excited about the future now than ever before. We were married for 23 years. Many of those years were good; we just grew apart. We have decided to focus on each other...to not forget that we are each other's sweetheart.

Renee

My ex and I were together for 31 years, married 9 days short of 27 years. He took our marriage for granted, and never listened when I tried to tell him our marriage was in dire trouble. I was making "mountains out of mole hills". All I wanted was the same opportunities to be happy that he had. But I always put his needs and desires first, my big mistake. The "mole hills" grew into a mountain that I felt was insurmountable. We have been divorced for 15 months. He actually moved over 1,000 miles away and got engaged to another woman. Now we are back together, he has proposed to me and I have accepted. I believe we have both grown, realize what we had in each other, and learned to be more tolerant of our differences. As Renee said, we are now going to focus on each other. He has promised to give me the freedom to be happy, and take responsibility for the mistakes he may make. I shall have the patience to talk calmly about our problems BEFORE they become disasters, and accept the assistance he offers in household projects, or when I am physically unable to do the things that need doing. There had to be SOMETHING that kept us together all those years. We truly believe it was, and is, an everlasting love for one another. I hope Renee and any other couples who try it again have learned from their previous mistakes. Good luck!

Ruth

OK, so now my ex and I are talking. I am having feelings that I have not had in the twelve years we have been apart; and, not for the lack of trying with new girlfriends! I find myself excited and scared at the same time. I did fall in love and married, but the whirlwind romance gave way to some harsh realities and the divorce soon followed. But, now I am revisting my first wife (married 14 years). In the gap, we have enjoyed watching our children grow and accomplish, we have talked to and about ourselves, and we have had one romantic tryst/trip up!? I like Ruth's answer and do belive that people can change what may have been lacking the first go round. In matters of the heart, the mother of my children will get benefit of the doubt because the rewards (grandchildren, sharing some of the best/worst years, etc.) far outweight the risks (OK, so it doesn't work the second time - nor has countless other relationships I have been in!) - probably because I was looking for the feelings I had with the ex! And, she is still hot after 28 years!

Ron (47 years old)

First off I wish all the above couples or singles if they elect to remain as such the very best. I have one ex whom I had children with and could not imagine a re-marriage scenario so I appreciate the perspective. However, very sadly i now have another ex and hope that someday we will re-marry once all our children are grown. By then perhaps, the ex-spouses and children will be mature enough to allow for our happiness to be soul mates as we believe we are so we will not be forced to court to choose. If there is such truth to soul mates he is surely mine. However, good karma or bad karma, this life or next then I only know I am able to feel for this man a love that last a lifetime.

Becky

Good luck to all of you. I would never remarry my first ex, but I would get back with the second ex. I may not remarry him but I would love to have a commitment with him. I believe the only way it can work is not go back to the original marriage...the one that caused you to split up. I would like to start a fresh relationship. One of my close friends, went back to her ex-husband after two years of divorce. They are still together, and it's been about 19 years. My cousin, married and divorced her husband, remarried and divorced him again. The third time, they decided to "shack up." They recently celebrated their 50th (un)wedding anniversary. They are happier than ever. You all give me hope that maybe, just maybe, we'll get back together someday.

Sallie

Of my Goodness! Is it possible and feasible? So someone is going to make another blunder, I am sorry if I annoyed someone but it shouldn't happen. IMO It is just like to jump from a mountain twice(After escaping from a death once).

qaswer

At one time I would have re-married my ex in a hearbeat. As the years went on I continued to hope beyond hope that we would reconcile. A few years ago I got real and realized that it was never going to happen and set about making a new life for me and our children. I eventually met and fell in love with someone new and am now engaged to be married. I don't think you ever fully fall out of love with your ex. You share a special bond with them that never seems to go away but at some point you realize that things are the way they are because they are that way and once you make peace with that you can still find room in your heart to love another.

Kath

i would do it

smj

If I wasn't married to someone else, I would in a heartbeat! Worst mistake I ever made...not trying to make it work with my ex!

sas

My husband and I are having trouble in our marriage. And the worst thing is that I dont if there are specefic things causing the problem. He wont talk to me. I tried to talk to him but he just wont sit and talk. He finds it easier to walk away. We have been together for six years, married for five. I love him very much. He hase'nt asked for a divorce, but I feel that it is what he wants. I feel that if we do get divorce I would re-marry him in the future.

Yan

I am trying my hardest to show my ex how much I still love her. I suffer from severe depression and did not get it treated in time to possibly save our marriage. She is seeing someone else and that is torturing me into madness. I would do any thing to have her ask me to come home. I vowed to myself that if I get a second chance I will be a completely different person. I can only hope,pray and keep showing her what she truly means to me. I am to blame for 95% of the divorce and I am starting to accept that fact. I hope I can show her that my depression was a big contributor to her falling out of love with me. So again, I believe in second chances and just hope she does also. Good luck to all of you who have succeeded in the remarriage and I hope to have the opportunity to be the happiest man in the world again!

Skip

My ex-wife was my second marriage; it took me years to realize that many of the problems and issues that exsisted in both marriages were because of me. Ironically my second ex lives about an hour from me and after 11 years we are talking again. We were both in the US Army and served overseas, unfortunately the service can be a serious family hardship with just one parent in - but with BOTH it can be totally diastrous. Any way we saw each other yesterday for the first time in at least 6 or 8 years - now I can NOT stop thinking of her. I'm not sure where this may go - but I am willing to find out!!!Tread (47)

Tread

My ex was someone I had known for years but only dated a short time before we married when I was 19. It lasted 8 months before immaturity busted us up. We actually dated a bit right before he married his second wife but he wanted to be married, I wasn't ready to do it again. We split 22 years ago, lost touch 15 years ago, in the intervening years I have had a child and he married 3 more times. He had been looking for me for years, finally found me a few months ago and all the old feelings have come back. We aren't talking remarriage yet...too early for that but we are trying to see if there is something solid to build on, we still have deep feelings for each other. This seems to be a family trait, my parents were divorced for 20 years before getting remarried and stayed married till my father passed away. It is not for everyone and I think if he and I didn't have the history of friendship before we were married, we wouldn't even attempt it but even if it doesn't work, we will always be close.

Monique

Never never never!!!!!!You will bring up the same dynamics in your relation...Just because the time apart made you forget it.You are you and she/he is what she/he is..Have seen 3 remarriages all end up with the SAME PAİNFULL DİVORCE!!!

a

Its not bad choice to marry your ex if every thing is ok with your partner. I can suggest you [link=http://www.magicofmakingup.com]magic of making up[/link] that helps you to know the techniques like how to convince your are the love of their life, how to apologize promise how to change for good, etc and get your ex back.[/b]

Jackee

I re-married my ex 2 years ago after being divorced for 13 years. The first time we were together for 7 years. I don't think I ever fell out of love with him, and I looked back with regret and sorrow whenever I thought about what we had lost. But I will tell you that we have slipped back in to the same pattern as before. But at least this time we recognize it and try to work around it. We also know what it is like to 'go to that other side of the fence' and don't want to do that again. So, that being said, while I am glad that we are back together, it isn't all fun and roses. It's work. But it is worth it.

Karen

me and my italian-american husband married in a civil rites here in the philippines.before the marriage happened,i asked him if he still love his ex-chinese wife.he said yes,and he's confuse about our marriage.i felt so hurt and pain.i told him to be sure before marrying me,his answers are inconsistent.like yesterday he will say no,and today yes he's sure.his ex-wife wanted a divorced for she wants chldren but my husband cant give her a child for he's too old already.and now,we've got married on november 1.and he's now in chicago..he told me when he arrived,his ex-wife is very angry and always crying coz he married again.and they're back together now and give each other a final chance.please give me an advice..im so super hurt now and feeling a pity for myself.i dont know what to do..email me please with ur advice on my email account melodina_palang@yahoo.com..please

charife palang

Its really weird reading all of your comments as I have had feelings come back from my previous husband. I have remarried, but I have been thinking about my previous husband quite a bit lately. Is it normal?? I keep saying that to myself; according to most of you it is and some of you went as far as remarrying your e-spouse; WOW! I often think "what if" but I could never hurt my husband I am married to now, but deep down inside, thinking about my previous husband, its almost a warm feeling and somewhat contented feeling. Isnt it sad. In my position; I know I will never have the opportunity to remarry my previous husband. Even though I think and know the stress would evaporate, and warm contented feelings would surface again, and the children and grandchildren...wow what a difference it would make. How did all of you do it?? Maybe I missed it; did any of you marry a second time and then divorced and remarry your first spouse?? I am very curious to know.

M

I would remarry my ex because we have both grown and grown up, we have children together and the family is the only real thing in our lives. Most divorces are very selfish and we have forgot how to stay committed beyond how we feel , we keep score and gather information on being right about your spouse being a certain way that leads to your decision . We forgot how to get out of our own way and its something we lack on the inside.Higher love comes from peeling back the layers of deception and give up your entitlements .

daniel

See the new Kurt Cameron movie called: FIREPROOF!

mary j

Well, the same attraction would probably always be there.. perhaps after all those those years, they learned and grew in a way that they could have a successful relationship. Maybe they just weren't ready the first time. Good luck to them

Melissa

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. Its been tough because he has a hard time dealing with pressure. (like when he doesn't have a job) and he runs away for months at a time. This time he cheated on me with another woman. Sometimes I think we can work it out, but I know it will end in divorce because he said he doesn't want to be married any more. He left the house and has been gone for 3 months, but he keeps calling me so that I cannot heal. Although I want it to work this time, once it is over- it's over. I'm not mad at him, I just think I deserve better. I would never remarry my soon to be x-husband.

Aaja

Hmmm..where to start. I'm in an interesting situation now. I have been divorced from my first husband for many years. I had remarried after that and that marriage also ended up in divorce. I have been gone from my home state for over 7 years and recently I moved home. Somehow, the lines of communication have reopened with Ex-husband #1. I can't lie either, there are a lot of feelings for him still there. Anyhow, we are thinking of getting back together. But, for now he is deployed over seas and won't be back on American soil for 10 more months. So, we're thinking we can use that time, take things slow, and get to know each other all over again. Any advice on how to pull this kinda thing off and have it work out happily???

Karin Mc

Military marriages are so hard as it is ... the time away from each other during deployments and then the changes and experiences that they bring home ... it takes a very strong couple to make a marriage work, and even more strength and dedication to endure the military, IMO. I think starting slow is a great idea. You were in love once, there is no reason why you can't be in love again. The only thing I would be aware of is WHY you split to begin with ... changes are easy to make temporarily, but not always easy to keep permanent. If it's a challenge you both want to take on than GREAT! good luck and thank your man from my family!

dianerene

There seems to br alot to this phenominon of re-marraige to ex spouse. I am currently engaged to my ex-husband of 18 years. There's an old saying, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. Well, I think most people feel that way from time to time in their marriages. We grew apart and lack of communication and quality alone time invested in one another sunk us. We tried christian counciling and individual counciling. They seemed to make it worse. I totally fell apart during and after the divorce. I felt a huge part of my life and body had been ripped from me. Every time I saw him I fell in love and fell apart all over again. I could tell he felt the same way. We started to date and talk about where things really went wrong. We both had dated post-divorce and agreed, there wasn't anyone we had met that came close to what we had. Yes, we still get mad at each other, and yes, we still have some of the same issues. But we both realize that they are quite small compared to what we love about each other. I can't picture my life with anyone else, I've tried. What God has joined, let no man put assunder.

Bonnie

[font="tahoma"]I may never, [/font] [font="tahoma"]there is an old saying that goes, "An ex is an ex for a reason." But again I'm nothing against it, the great thing about human nature is that there is always the capacity to forgive and forget, to let bygones be bygones, and to start anew. I remember I had seen an [link=http://minekey.com/opinion-poll]opinion poll[/link] about ‘There is always one Ex you still miss’ sounds true with some people.[/font]

gia.master08

I wish that I could turn back time and erase my divorce. I remarried very quickly and immediately realized it was a huge mistake. My first husband made a lot of mistakes throughout our 18 year marriage, but I believe he has learned from them. He was destroyed by the divorce. Now, all I can think about is finding a way back to him~and ending my current marriage which has been a disaster from the start. He has no chance considering the way I feel. Ultimately, I never saw myself as a divorced person, and now my only hope is that I can grow old with my children's father and that we can care for each other as we grow older.

k

I was married for 7 years, in the relationship 10 years. My husband wanted the divorce because he did not want to "involve" me in his business deal, which ended up failing. Now he says he wants to remarry in the future. I have tried to date other men and to move on, but it is hopeless. My heart beats for this man. Every time I try to date someone else, it feels like I'm cheating on him. When I am not with him, my stomach hurts and my chest is full of anxiety. I only feel at peace when I am with him, holding him in my arms. I will remarry him, if that is truly what he wants. And all the other men trying to date me, I have ran them all off. I did so honestly, telling them that i still love my ex-husband. And I have heard, "well, he's your ex for a reason." Yeah, because of stupidity on both of our parts. I hope and pray that we will remarry and start a family together. I wish that we had had children already. I am only 29 now, and was going through college when we were married, so it was out of the question for me at that time to plan a family. Anyways, I guess I'm posting this blog because I understand how those of you who wish to remarry feel. I believe that mistakes happen, and deciding to divorce can be a mistake. This is your life, so do what will ultimately make you happy.

julie

No, even though I still love my x wife. She threw me out. I stayed single. I'm in love with solitude.

Ike40

My husband and I have been divorced for a year now, but I have always been in love with him. I didnt want the divorce, but had to get it so I could move on with my life. I always knew that one day he would change and come home. Well this Christmas he has done just that. Now, I'm terrified! I have wanted this with all of my heart, but I dont want to go backwards. He wants to get remarried. He tells me how he has changed and how he hit his rock bottom, and how he knows what he really wants. I'm afraid that if I say no, I will spend the rest of my life with all of the what if, but if I take him back and it happens again, then I have gone backwards..... I love him with everything that I am and I cant let it go. Do people really change????

sjr381

I don't think so, at least not for anyone but themselves. I know I wouldn't marry him again, for all the money in the world, even if we were the last two people on earth!

ChristineB

I can not personally answer this cause my hubby and I are still married. I can not imagine life without him. Today he took the day off as I asked him too and he is out side now cleaning the poop of the dog, out beloved bull dog Lucy. However, my niece the one who died of breast cancer 3 years ago leaving behind 4 children did remarry her Ex a few days before she died. She kicked out the father of her 4th child and remarried the father of number 3 as he told her that if she remarried him God would heal her and that way they can raise her 4 kids with him. She had 4 kids 4 fathers. Well, it did not happen that way. She died and the 4 kids ended up being split up. Him being only the father of her only son had access to only him. I helped him with his son who was only 5 at the time of her death. I finished homeschooling him that year and the next year put him and my daughter in a charter school that was half way between my sister and my house being that my sister took in the two younger girls. So my daughter, Aden, the son, and the then just turned 7 year old girl, Aden's sister, Elyzah, all were able to attend the same charter school. That went on for one year. The following year Aden and my daughter went to the same school and the sister went to a public school closer to my sister's house being she did not want to drive the distance. Now she has moved and all of the girls , including the teen that is now 17 live with my sister. Elyzah and Aden go to the public school near her house and the oldest teen, almost 18 is in her last year attending a near by high school. My daughter is attending a charter school. The little one now 5 is not in school and I may be able to teach her to read if she comes over a few days a week when I am not subbing. Michelle's death has caused a lot of changes. She remarried her ex thinking that they will be able to raise her and her 4 kids together but she died the next week and then all the changes occurred. Life never stays the same.

SuzanneDeAz

I was married twice, and divorced twice. Married 15 yrs. the first time and 12 yrs. the second time. Have been divorced from #2 for 9 yrs. Ex #1 contacted me (we live about 1,000 miles apart) and we have been in commuication for approximately 3 months. He has more feelings for me than I do for him (love-wise). He claims he never loved any other woman and will never love another woman - although during our marriage, I was ignored, put me down a lot, and constantly admired other women (to my face).His excuse for the way he treated me is a long story and just suffice it to say I find it hard to believe.We are in our 60's; his health is poor and he is unable to work and near poverty level. I am in excellent health, still work full time and am financially secure.It is very difficult for me to accept the fact that he is not just looking for a caretaker to support him. I've come a long way in my emotional and personal growth and am very content with my life and there is no way I will jump headlong into any situation that could very well end up one-sided. If I did that, I am sure I would leave him as I did before; and neither one of us needs to go through that again.I believe the success of remarrying an ex is dependent on the two people involved; the reason for the divoce in the first place; and where each is now in their life and growth. If one is not looking to take advantage of another and both are on the same path, have the same values and belief system; are both complete and content with who they are and with their lives, then maybe, just maybe it may work. And for any who make the decision to give it a go; I wish them all the best.

Suzanne

I am just now in this situation. My ex husband and I have been apart for nearly 5 years. We have two children and have remained close friends. I was devistated when he left and waited for nearly 2 years, then finally went on with my life. He now says he has changed and realizes his mistke and wants us to be a family again. I was in a relationship with a man that I had so much in common with and were heading towards marriage. I felt so much pressure from both my ex family and my family that I decided I could not live with the guilt of my family not being together because of ME. I also know that God does not want divorce, so with that in mind and my family wanting my children to have their origional family, I said I would give it a shot. Now, I have left the other relationship and I am so lonley. My ex and I remained great friends during these years, but we dont' have anything beyond the kids in common. In my other relationship, we had a lot in common and talked numerous times during the day and evening. I feel very lonley and unsure. Is doing this for God and the children going to be enough? I love him like a brother, the love as a spouse died over time. I am so scared, but prepared to sacrifice myself for the good of my kids.

Heidi

WE WERE MARRIED FOR22 YRS AND DIVORCED IN SEPTEMBER AND ARE PLANNING ON GETTING MARRIED AGAIN BY FEBUARY SOMETIMES YOU DON'T REALISE WHAT YOU HAD TIL ITS GONE

MARI

I seem to remember reading somewhere about someone who remarried his ex because a computer matchmaker said they were perfect for each other.

AI

I doubt that I would remarry my ex however I would stay on good terms with the ex I would forgive and ask forgiveness.

DCM

It's a matter of opinion if remarrying your ex is a good thing or a bad thing.The choice is yours to make however you should really think it over first.

CJHD

Remarrying the ex seems to be becoming quite commonplace these days.I wish I knew why that is.

TG

Are people remarrying the ex because they're afraid that nobody else will want them and they'll end up alone or is there some other reason?

HDS

I wonder if people are trying to prove something by remarrying the ex.

VEG

Why would anyone want to remarry the ex?

GDW

When you love someone so much, it's hard too breath. Circumstances come up - and both people change, sometimes growing together but because of communication, growing away. Anger, depression, lack of money, one goes to chuch the other doesnt, one wants conselling, the other doesn't. All these plus military deployment. When you lose focus on God and concentrate on yourself;. your marriage begins to fall. One person will try to keep it together and the other doesn't know how to fix it. Divorced was filed. 7 years later, Christ being the center, the wife realizes her mistakes and wants to remarry him. Its undescribable how the connection just kept us together. Our marriage will never be perfect, but whatever we lack, the Lord will equip us with. He will never leave us and will move mountains for this wonderful blessings.

Movie

Remarrying the ex seems to be the thing to do it's like some sort of trend.

YLMTO

Sorry, I don't know what YLMTO means. Could you explain that please? Thanks!

fiery

I would remarry my ex in a heartbeat. Although we divorced many years ago, I have never stopped loving her. We've both remarried and had children with our current spouses, so it's unlikely to ever happen, but who knows what the future holds?

Markham

It stands for you live more then once which refers to reincarnation.Veg is short for Vegetarian and Vegan.

Veg.

No I may never, I'd think about it. Why did I divorce in the first place? But for people who want to go for it I do not have any problem - because the great thing about human nature is that there is always the capacity to forgive and forget, to let bygones be bygones, and to start anew.

gia.master08

Remarrying the ex has both success and failure I suggest that before you decide to remarry the ex really think it through.

DW

People who are considering remarrying their ex-spouses should ask themselves this question. Would their ex-spouses even want to remarry them?

LA

I will definately remarry my ex spouse. We both regret the time lost without each other. We met at the age of 11, he told me he fell in love with me the first time he saw me. We first dated at 17, we married at 22 (funny how all our friends knew we would marry before we did). We divorced at 37, at 42 we got back together (we never stopped loving on another, although we both were with someone else for a few years. We will remarry this summer at 44 (we gave ourselves 2 years to be certain of our decision). When substance absue is in the equation people do horrible things to one another (not just the abuser but the enabler as well), but if the addiction can be overcome and you can "truly" forgive each other and move on, it will work, as long as the love and respect for one another is still strong. Most people never get to experience a love like ours and most people can not forgive the past, I thank the Lord for giving us each other and giving us the strenth to overcome and the capability truly forgive ourselves for the bad times. We are happy again and will love each other - good times and bad, just as we are - TOGETHER.

YC

I think that there will eventually be a very big drop in the number of people remarrying the ex.

CJHD

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one recosidering to re-marry the ex. The first time I layed eyes on myex he was about 17 and so was I.My sister-in-law at the time and their friends were decorating for prom...Then, there he went walking by with a friend...and I remeber asking myself...what am I doing married? Time went by and I became pregnant with my second child. After my son turned six months old my second husband cheated on me and it devestated me I vowed never to have another child with him,but we stayed together and tried to work things out.I started joining him in alcohol abuse and parties every weekend...to no end.Both my son and my daughter from a previous marriage at the age of 15 suffered the consequences of our alcohol abuse.During these times I became involved with my current ex.We had an affair for 5 yrs on and off not everyday just when he was in town and sometinmes it was just to talk and catch up. I felt guilty so I came clean with the husband and we tried to work it out.we both decided to take a bible study and become better parents and mates to each other. We had another son and things were good my husband had become everything I wanted.The bible helped a lot I was faithful to ex #2 for four years. when my kids all attended school Although my #2 ex and i didn't fight or have lots of problems.i felt so lonely i would wake up with my current ex on my mind daily...i would go to my children's rooom and cry till I convienced myself that I had done the right thing to stay married.Thenone night I was getting off my car at my work's parking lot...and there went the man I love and desired for four years... and at that moment he drove around and drove up by my car...I begged him to leave and he wouldn't I was so scared I would make a mistake.i told him we could meet and talk that if he ever...loved me it was now or never. Coisedently that nigh tcenus was low and they asked for a volunteer to go home.It was me! Anyway, Long story short...we married in 2000 split up a few times just to end up together, divorced in may 08.Alcohol abuse and lack of communication played a big part in our divorce. We have both tried to move on and can't seem to stay away from each...We don't have kids together but we've both chaired in raising my three and his one. We love our kids and they have all been hurt by our problems. He has taken the Love dare...from the movie FIREPROOF, which is like a 360 for him. We are taking it one day at a time...All Iknow is that i have never loved him like any other person ever in my life and in 10 yrs. i know i will feel the same and so will he.You all do the same and I wish all of you the best.

CM

I would if it was true that both were in love. Ive learned life is to short not to be with the person you truly love.

A

Remarrying your ex is your choice however I strongly suggest you really think it over first.

AI

even though my exwife left me for someone else i would take her bak in a heart beat. she cant admit it though that she had an emotional affair with this man. I love her sooooooooooo much but cant tell her this.

craig malone

I believe that Matricomp brought divorced couples back together quite often on Krypton where Superman was born and lived as Kal-El.Eventually both Matricomp and Krypton blew up in so doing ceased to exist.

AI

On divorce court there's a woman who remarries her ex only to divorce him again.She's done this at least 4 times already.The judge refuses to grant her another divorce.

AI

I'm in quite a pickle I guess. It gives me hope to know that there are so many out there who do get back with their ex. I'm in the process of a divorce I didn't want. My husband of four years, 7 together came home on my birthday and told me he wasn't in love with me. He's in the military, has been overseas many times so we've spent much time apart. His last deployment took such a toll on him it changed who he was, and it changed our relationship. I have since moved out, have my own place and have been doing my own thing. He's been nothing short of a jerk to me since we've been going back and forth with lawyers. Now, after he finally got the Settlement papers back from me he's been telling me that he has realized what a huge mistake he's made, how much he took me for granted etc., he misses me and realizes how much he still loves me and wants me back. I don't feel that I can forgive him or go back. Hell, I'd be crazy TO go back! I'd always be thinking and wondering when he would do it again. But I'm torn. I obviously still love him, he was my everything. But I've found out who I am slowly day by day without him and am scared to go back. I still very much think that this divorce needs to happen and he needs to get help, but am not closed off to the idea of remarrying him much into the future. Ahhh... don't know what to do. The head and the heart are conflicted. Thoughts??????

Denise

[color=#330099[b]][b]I don't know, he would have to do some major changing, and grow in maturity, before, I could go back!! I am recently going through my first divorce. If my ex- couldn"t [size=4][/size]grow-up so to speak!, then my answer [/size] would be NEVER!!![/color][/b][/b][>:]

Roller Community

No way. I married way too young and we were both terribly immature. He was emotionally and physically abusive. We really only married because we were expecting a child. I have not and will not ever say that my child was a mistake or the cause of the bad marriage. It was a choice I made thinking I was doing what was right for the child. However, just because you have a child together does not mean that you are meant to be together. We did not love each other... we were too young to know what love was. I lived in pure torture for two years and finally got up the courage to leave. After I got over that I started talking to and fell in love with my very best friend that I had lost contact with since High School. We married and have been together for almost nine years. We have two children together. I have to stay in contact with my ex because of our child going to visit him, but there has never been any feeling of regret that I did the wrong thing when I left him. I could not be happier! Sometimes it just isn't meant to be!!!! However, my mom and dad have split up a couple of times... and somehow they always wind up back together. They have been married for 30 years. I suppose sometimes it can happen. People make mistakes and it may take a while to realize that you were meant to be with the one you left..... they say you don't know what you've got till its gone. But I would seriously take into consideration what caused the marriage to fall apart in the first place before jumping back in head over heels!!!!!! God Bless

mommabell

When I turned 50 I founded out my husband had been cheating on me during the 17 year old marriage. I divorced him in 2002. We were a military family, which made it harder. I look back now to see I was married to a stranger. We relocated to another state and I had high hopes things would change and we could get to know each better, but, it is what it is (he is extremely private and a poor communicator). We live together and take care of each other (financially, I play mother role to grown kids and granddaughter)but that's not enough for me.I lost my job and he is supporting me. I am enjoying not working.But it is painful he is doing the same thing he use to do and it still hurt me the same way. But, I am unemployed and enjoy staying at home for the first time in my life. I have two choices -stay with him and continue to be disreapected or leave him and give up valuable time to myself that I love..I am now having problems with low self esteem, lack of confidence and depression.

dianna

My first husband and I reconnected after being divorced for 27 yrs (we had been married for 13 yrs.). He had never remarried. I was divorced for 7 yrs from a failed marriage that lasted 19 yrs.We lived in different states and our communication was either phone calls or emails. All seemed great at first, we communicated about the reasons for our divorce, how we'd both changed, cleared the air, mended a lot of fences, plus forgiving each other, and ourselves.After 4 months, when all 'seemed' to be going great, he started to slip back into his old habit of talking too much about other women. In particular, praising them and placing them on a pedestal. It got to the point that the majority of our phones were about all of the women he'd dated over the years, and one in particular he was still in contact with.Then he began to criticize me as he had during our marriage.I saw the red flags, and yet I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I was also being realistic.I gave a lot of serious thought about being back with him again; and when I weighed the pros against the cons; the cons won out. Both of us being in our "senior" years, and he being on permanent disability with very limited income; it became evident from remarks he made that what he mainly wanted was to move in with me and have me support him since I am still working and making a good salary, and am completely out of debt. Then be began questioning every decision I'd made after our divorce. And he also began to make comments about how he hoped I'd continue working for a long time because if we had to spend too much time together we'd get on each other's nerves. I would have been a fool to go back to him...as it is said, "You can't go home", and I wanted to move forward with my life, not go backwards.Maybe some can remarry an ex spouse and there is a slight chance it may be successful. But I kept remembering that there were serious problems in the first place or we wouldn't have divorced. And in the final analysis, we're still the same people.We have stopped communication and I know I made the right decison to not get involved with him again.

Deanna

Yes..a million times agian

Heather

When I got married in 2002, I knew I had found the "one". We were friends for 4 years, and then we became more. I was in my mid 30's, and have had some bad relationships. So had he. However I let alot of my mother's opionions influenced me during my marriage. I didnt realize it then, that my mother was a very negative person. She thrives on chaos. Instead of talking to my husband, I went to her for advise on my marriage. Big mistake, I just wished I had knew then what I know now. So evidently my husband and I broke up. I was so hurt. I wanted to stay married, but as my mother put it, "Are you crazy?? Are you a glutton for punishment? My pride got in the way also. So did his. I moved away, far away with our son. I tried to hid my hurt by working long hours, but deep down inside I knew that I still loved this man. He would call and we both would argue about things. I could still get under his skin, and he could get under mine's. Years have pass now, and I decided to contact him about our son graduating from 8th grade. He immediately got on the phone and said the wanted to come to the ceremony. To make a long story, he did and I'm glad he did. I was able to speak to him for the first time in several years. I really opened my heart to him and shared my hurt about our loss. I was aurprised to see that he was hurt also. It felt so good to share this with him after all these years. My ex, my son and I had a wonderful time being together this weekend. When I saw my ex this time, the love I had for him when we firt got married was still there. I couldnt wait to sit next to him and feel his presence. He felt it too. I dont know about the future, but I know that it was only "God" that brought this to pass. I dont want to live my life without being with the man I truly love. I have been by myself for 7 years now, and no man has ever made me feel the way he makes me feel. Life is too short, so if it's in the cards for us to get back together, I am going to jump at the chance. There is nothing better than LOVE!!!!

Terri

Definately! I married my first husband twenty years ago when I was eighteen and he was twenty-two.We didn't last a year because we were too young, but we stayed friends and still loved each other. He and I moved on with our lives and married other people. We lost contact fifteen years ago. Although we were from the same small town and grew up together, neithe of us contacted the other's family to find out where the other one was and how they were doing.His father past away this past September and I finally made contact with him when I found out. When we spoke, all those old familiar feelings of home came rushing back. He told me that his wife of eighteen years also past away unexpectedly early last year. I on the other hand was going through a divorce. My husband always knew my feelings about my first husband and I had told him that I would go back to him in a heartbeat if the timing was right. Although my marriage ended for reasons not related to my first marriage, the timing turned out to be impecable. His family is thrilled and my family is getting used to the idea. I have not regreted taking the leap of faith with him for a second time. It is the best decision I have ever made. He asked me to marry him the second time I went to see him. I immediately said yes. We always knew it would happen again, although we are not in a hurry.

secondchances

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