| | | | Using Active Listening To Talk To Your Teenager |
By RF Harris
Teenagers are the hardest ages to talk to. It is easier to talk to an infant than a teenager, because infants don’t roll their eyes or say “You just don’t GET me” while slamming the door on you. No matter how hard it is to talk to your teen, and it is hard, talking and communicating is the best way to parent. Teenagers are special because they are not quite ready for the big, bad world, but they are still trying to break away from parental control. The trick of talking to your teenager is not to control them, but to open lines of conversation that will instill a lifetime of ideals.
Active listening is very easy to do. There are multiple benefits of learning active listening techniques to communicate with your teen. Active listening is hearing the statement, making a query, and waiting for a response. This is taking turns in the conversation, and will help your teen learn how too communicate in later years.
First off, active listening is finding the meaning. Affirm with the teen that you understood what was said and that it is important to you. For example, the teen says “Dad, it is just not fair! Why can’t I stay out past midnight?” An active listening response is affirmative-“You do not think it is fair that you have to be in by 12 on weekends.” Make sure that you are setting time for conversation. Don’t try to have a conversation with your teen while you are doing something else. Make eye contact with your child so the teen will know that you are giving them full attention.
Active listening also shows that you are ready to have a conversation, not just give orders. Asking the teenager’s opinion on the subject at hand shows that you are ready to validate them as thinking people. “Why don’t you think it is fair?” This also opens the door for parent-child trust. If you are ready to validate their opinions by asking questions, the teenager will respond.
Stay away from negative or power statements like “Too bad” and “I said so.” This closes the lines of communication and breaks down the trust your teenager has in you. Another important concept of trust building is honesty. If you do not know the answer, let your teenager know what you are thinking, and why. Make suggestions about how you can find the answer together, and listen to their replies.
Using active listening with your teenager will affirm their self-concept. It will help you set boundaries by asking why the teenager thinks a certain way and discussing why the rules are a certain way. Finally, active listening will let your teenager know that they can talk to you about anything. Don’t be afraid of ‘touchy’ subjects, instead, embrace your teenagers opinions-even if you don’t agree with them-and have an honest, open discussion.
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