| | | | When Bubbles Dies – Helping Children with the Loss of a Pet |
By Kat DeLong
Your child informs you that Bubbles, his beloved goldfish, is “napping” at the top of his tank. After confirming that the “nap” is permanent and that Bubbles has died, how should you handle the death of a pet?
Whether it’s a goldfish, hamster, dog, or cat, the loss of a pet is likely the first encounter your child will have with death. Although all children are different, there are several things you can do to help them through this difficult time.
To you, Bubbles is a 25-cent goldfish. To your child, this fish is the first living thing that he has been responsible for feeding and protecting. Some children may want a state funeral complete with music and a proper burial. Other children may shrug it off and ask if they can watch while you flush it. Follow your child’s lead and ask them how they are feeling before you make any decisions.
If a family pet is to be euthanized, tell your child in advance and allow them to spend some time with the pet before the process starts so they can say goodbye. Many children find this too difficult and will not want to take part at all. Allowing them to make this decision for themselves offers your child a small amount of control over the situation. If your child wants to tell everyone he meets that his pet has passed, let him. If he never wants to discuss it again, allow him to stay quiet.
One of the most important things a parent can do is listen and validate the feelings that the child is experiencing. If the pet was euthanized, there may be feelings of anger or guilt in addition to sadness. Bad dreams or trouble falling asleep are common right after the death of a pet. You may try to explain about the circle of life, but to your child the fact that Bubbles is gone is simply not fair. Agree and allow him to experience these emotions rather than trying to rationalize them.
This death might bring up fears about the death of family members or even his own. Although you might not be ready for such heavy discussions, it is important at this time to explain your beliefs about death and reassure your child that he is safe. Help him to talk about the things he loved most about his pet and the happy times they shared together. While not minimizing his feelings, focusing on the positive things about his pet may help you both sleep easier.
Constructing a memorial to your pet can help your child participate in the process of celebrating the pet’s life. A favorite picture of the pet in a new frame can start conversations about how much the pet meant to the family. Kits are available to make a concrete stepping stone embellished with mosaics and the pet’s nametag that can be set in the garden. If there are ashes, allow your child to decide where the urn is to be placed in the house. A shelf-display of some favorite toys and the pet’s collar can be something that your child can feel and hold while they remember how special the pet was to them.
One of the most natural reactions to the death of a pet is to rush right out and replace it. Try to resist this urge. Just as people can’t be easily replaced, distracting your child with a new pet may cause conflicting feelings about his loss. Give your family time to grieve and remember how special the pet was before introducing them to a new member of the family. A brief period of time will also allow the new pet to be accepted on his own terms rather than as a substitute for the one that has died.
Pets can help children become more loving, caring, and responsible. They can also help ease them into some of the realities of life such as sickness and death. By handling the death of a pet in a sensitive, responsible way we can better prepare children for the inevitable death of a loved one or friend in the future.
Post a comment
FamilyLobby.com Articles is your source for family-related articles. Talk about this article in the FamilyLobby Community.
|
|
|
|
|
StumbleUpon
