| | | | Are You A Competitive Parent? |
By Sally A
We all know at least one parent who seems to live his life through his children. No matter what the situation, his children will always be more attractive, smarter and more well rounded than anyone else's. If you are a similar type of parent, are you actually bringing out the best in your children, or are you far too competitive? How do you know when you have crossed the boundary between the two?
You are more interested in the event than your children
If you are a competitive parent, you probably pay more attention to an event (for example, a school production, a sporting event, or a concert) than they do to their children. You are so concerned with your child being the most successful that you tend to lose sight of the fact that the event in question is usually designed to build the confidence and self-esteem of your child, and develop interaction skills. For you, taking part is simply not enough - being a success is the only thing that matters.
Your child is embarrassed to take part in events
If your child is not displaying the same enthusiasm as you, it could be a definite sign that you have overstepped the mark, especially if you find yourself losing your temper because he or she is not meeting your high standards. This will only make your child feel less enthusiastic about taking part in events in the future. As far as he or she is concerned, there are far more negative experiences attached to events than positive ones. As well as the obvious embarrassment and humiliation, he or she may also feel that they are being pushed beyond their abilities (even to the point of injury), or that their participation in an event comes at the expense of schoolwork or having a social life.
You feel more qualified than the professional who is overseeing the event
Parents who are very competitive may also feel the need to vent their frustrations on the teachers, coaches, or other adults who are in charge of the event. Of course, this will only cause your child to feel even more embarrassed and humiliated. You may feel that you know your child better than they do, but this is not always the case. Highly competitive parents often lose sight of what is really important - their child. If you are doing this, you may find that you do not know your child as well as you think, and you will often find that your child is not particularly interested in taking part in the event. At the end of the day, it is the professionals (rather than the parents) who know the most about putting on an event, and they will often know what is best for the children in their care. They will have a better idea of their strengths, weaknesses and limitations, which means that they are less likely to push them beyond their capabilities. As a parent, it is important to trust the professionals to know what is best, although by all means, speak up if you have evidence to the contrary.
If you critically examine yourself, you might be surprised to find that you actually display some of the characteristics of a highly competitive parent. If you do, this is the first step to curbing your ways. Having identified the problem, you can take steps to solve it.
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I have a friend that is so competitive, it is annoying. She spends sooo much money on her kids and then whines when she can't pay her bills. She sends her kids out-of-state for college and then says it costs too much money, but then buys them new cars with money she doesn't have. She says that her kids mean EVERYTHING to her. Her kids find her very intrusive and annoying and at times just want to get away from her. She doesn't let them do much by themselves as she does not trust them, but she is also possesive of them. I find her very annoying. She also acts like she is the only one that will do anything for her kids, and says that's the way her and her husband feel, but her husband lives in another state while he works and doesn't spend much time with her or their kids. Its all strange to me. Also, she lied to the school to get her daughter out of a class that she was failing. I find a lot of this very wrong to behave this way and very disturbing. I try to distance myself from her the best that I can. I can only guess that deep down she's not happy with being herself, she can only identify with being a mom to these kids that are almost adults and one of them is an adult in college. Anybody else have this experience, or acts this way? If so, how do you feel about it?
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