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When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity

Nothing destroys a married relationship more than when a spouse cheats. Many issues are affected in the relationship, the least of which is trust. The hurt spouse’s self-esteem is shattered, the love that binds two people together is permanently maimed, and the idea of continuing to live together in the same house becomes a nightmare.

No one can pinpoint any specific reason for cheating except to say that it is not something which “just happens.”

Having a spouse cheat is especially heartbreaking for women. The idea that the man who vowed to love and honor her has gone with another woman can leave a wife lost and overwhelmed with hurt. If there are children in the picture the pain is doubled because of their emotional upheaval. When a man cheats on his wife the results can be devastating and cause a ripple effect of pain and resentment that can last years.

Different lifestyles create different ways of coping with infidelity.

Wives who are stay-at-home moms fare less well than those who work outside the home. In the house, where they had assumed that all was well and safe, they are surrounded by the domestic evidence of life with their husbands. Sometimes they don’t want to talk to friends or family members because they feel, wrongly, that they are to blame for their husbands’ cheating. Unlike their contemporaries who work at outside jobs, they may see themselves as unattractive, not sexy, and uninteresting. None of this is true, of course, but shattered self esteem can make it seem so.

What should you do when confronted by the fact that your spouse cheated?

The best action that can be taken after finding out that a spouse has cheated is no action. Do nothing for forty-eight hours. You are in shock and shock makes you do irrational things. Let the knowledge settle in and think of what your next course of action will be a week from that first day. Give yourself time to understand what has happened.

Seek counseling for yourself after the first week. As time goes on, your spouse may ask that you both attend couples’ counseling. If you agree, fine, but you need crisis help alone first. Couples therapy can come later.

Establish what this breach of trust has done to your marriage. If your spouse is sincerely contrite and wants the marriage to continue, decide if that is what you want also. Give yourself time to make the decision.

Do not go for payback; don’t have an affair just to “get even.” If forgiveness is possible for you, do so. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t make what he did excusable. Learning to trust again will be very difficult, but don’t play the martyr. Let him know the pain he caused you.

Remember, you are the one who is hurting. Give yourself plenty of time to heal.

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I have just found out that my husband has been cheating on me with this girl for at least 7 months. I feel horrible. We have an 8 month old baby. This article has helped me. Thank-you.

Trish

You have to stay strong for your child. Your friends will be there for you in this hard time.

Lisa

This is so right on to what I'm going through right now. My husband is a serial cheater. He keeps 2 cellphones both locked with passwords obviously to keep the filthy messages for his eyes only. He has the nerve to justify his act as a "guy thing". My husband is insensitive and disregards the hurt this has caused our marriage. He says that all his harmless (no-sex) cheating do not deserve my anger towards him. He is not the type of person who will work on resolving this either thru counseling or just between the two of us. I want out but paralyzed since I just recently quit my job and have no financial resource to leave. I feel so alone with all of my family being overseas. I am tired of forgiving and letting this come to pass. Instead of comforting me, he tells me he regrets not having crossed the line with all these women. How do I cope. Please help.

Maria

This is so right on to what I'm going through right now. We have been together for 15 years with 2 children. My husband is a serial cheater. He has girlfriends half his age and keeps emotional ties with women friends. One of them has proudly declared that she wears his shirt at night. He keeps 2 cellphones both locked with passwords obviously to keep the filthy messages for his eyes only. He has the nerve to justify his act as a "guy thing". My husband is insensitive and disregards the hurt this has caused our marriage. He says that all his harmless (no-sex) cheating do not deserve my anger towards him. He is not the type of person who will work on resolving this either thru counseling or just between the two of us. I want out but paralyzed since I just recently quit my job and have no financial resource to leave. I feel so alone with all of my family being overseas. I am tired of forgiving and letting this come to pass. Instead of comforting me, he tells me he regrets not having crossed the line with all these women. How do I cope. Please help.

Maria

Maria, first of all I'm glad you posted your message and welcome. I went through a similar situation with my last boyfriend, unemployed and scared. He not only cheated but was also abusive. I felt as if I had nowhere to turn. What I didn't know was, that all along, I did. Coping is no way to go through life. I'm not telling you what to because ultimately you have to do what's right for you, and no one can tell you that. I can tell you that one day I woke up and knew I had had enough. Like you I had nowhere to go and felt alone, ashamed and stuck. I confided in a few friends and family members and evetually landed on my feet. It has been over 2 years now and I am happily involved with a loving, wonderful man who I never would've met had I stayed. I should also say that in those 2 1/2 years I worked very, very hard on myself through counseling and self empowerment classes. Think long and hard about your happiness, your well being and your safety. This level of stress will take it's toll and no one is worth the outcome of that type of stress. I would say, reach out to the ones that are closest to you and listen to your inner voice. You'll find your way. Trust me, if I did, you will. It will seem impossible at first but one day you'll look back and say phew! I did it. I hope this helps.....

ChristineB

Thank you ChristineB. Yes, my happiness should be of prime concern. The stress and pain have indeed taken its toll. I've had enough of being fooled and strung along. The situations he has brought in to our marriage have destroyed my being and I will work hard in restoring the beauty inside me. Thanks again and I hope to soon post a new beginning from this nightmare.

Maria

i just cheated on my wife and cannot express how bad it is making me feel. i promised the other girl to keep it a secret. but am not that type - i cannot look into my wife's eyes when i know i cheated on her. after 1 week of torture i decided to be honest and tell her that it was all my fault and that i cheated. we have been married for four years. my wife makes me feel more miserable when she tries to assume some guilt when really it was me who was to blame. with tears in my eyes i say she said she will forgive me but i still feel so bad after all she has done for me. one thing i learnt for sure is that i prefer to live with the guilt on hurting my wife and paying whatever price i will have to pay rather than living my whole life with the nightmare of cheating on my wife and not telling her (that's the only consolation i can think of). i wish i can take back time :(

deeply_sad

i just found out that my sisters husband is cheating on her and i want to confront him! what should i do?

alice

A few days ago, I checked my boyfriend of ten month's cell phone. A text was there from a woman, which read "I love being your whore." He says she is a friend in an abusive relationship that he cares about, but never had intimacy with. He says she has a huge crush on him, but he only wants her friendship. I feel so awful, I can't focus, and I can't think straight. I would appreciate your feedback so much. Thank you

Lana

My girlfriend used to always look through my cell phone. That really bothered me. I feel like it's an invasion of privacy. She even said it's ok to spy on me when I go out. She said, "If I have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem." She looked in my phone and found text messages that were really suspicious, but I did not cheat. They were just messages that seemed flirty and could be taken out of context. "I love being your whore" is really hard to pass off as a joke between friends. It is wrong to look through someone else's phone, but my guess is he is cheating and will deny it until you have undeniable proof. I do not know of any guy that would admit it upfront.

Mark

hmmm...thats a tough one. My opinion is that usually people aren't suspicious at first. If after dating they start looking at texts, phone records or emails, then there is probably a reason. The reason may just be insecurity, but it is usually not founded on nothing at all. My experience has been that if I suspect it, then it is true. It's sad but since the significant others are the last to know, (and will usually prefer to stay in denial), so when THEY suspect it it's usually (unfortunately) true...or at least partly true Just my opinion though...

ChristineB

thanks for your feedback. I never did look through his private things before; I just had an awful gut feeling, and acted on the impulse to look. Now he is in a foul mood with me, saying that I might as well stay with him since I'm so old (31 yr) and have so much baggage. I just feel bad, and don't really have anyone to confide in about this.

Lana

hang in there lana.....maybe some couples counseling would work? When I was in your boat I offered it and he said no...I kinda knew where I stood from that moment on. I'm not saying to stay or go, just to be aware of who he is, and who you are...and where you both stand with each other. Life is short, and 31 is not old! I'm 38 and I bounced back 2 years ago just fine! ....and am madly in love again, with someone new! I couldn't be happier!

ChristineB

It's been nearly 2 years since my husbands affair and trust does take time. You can heal, but I was crushed and for a long time. It didn't help that the other woman kept calling and texting. After 17 years of marriage i was determinded not to just walk away. I did have to take a step back and look at our lives. I had become very busy with work and the kids and just assumed he knew how much I loved him. I never allowed just us time it was always family.. And now I realize how important that is. We have grown closer and more responsive to one another because of this.. I made it clear everyone's entitled to ONE mistake, I just wasn't looking for it to be that one!! Also, I trusted him without question, work travel, late nights. I met the other woman and just wanted to loose it, but i took the high road so to speak, which just made her more angry.. I could go on and on but the wound has almost healed. Hang in there and try to salvage your relationship if you feel it's worth the fight and also take a good look and see if you've stopped communicating.. That in its self will tell you alot.

scorned mom

great advice! Sorry to hear you had to go through that but I guess we do live and learn.

ChristineB

I just found out my partner was keeping drafts of emails he says he never would send out (personal ad replies). He cried and then advised that he* felt so miserable he might end his own life.. and didn't care about his job. So I had to support him, so we don;t loose the house we just bought together and can't afford as it is.It ended up me consoling him after I found out he may be potentially cheating on me. (of course he denies cheating just that he was drunk one night on a business trip away). I am so scared. I have no family to talk to, and I am very shy and don't make friends easy. I have to face going to work tomorrow after just hearing this, and I don't know how to deal with that.. I just wanted to say you site and the feedback left by the others going through this helped me a bit.. but I don't know how things will ever come close to being the way they were. I want to forgive, but I'm afraid.I feel lost and scared. This is the second time I have found out a partner cheated on me. the last tme I went through this it took me nearly 7 years to even debate seeing other people.. I guess I should have waited even longer...I'm not sure what's worse- being alone and scared, or being in a relationship- alone and scared...Signed, Lost.

Corry

awww, hang in there corry. I know it doesn't like sound like much, but believe me it will get better. I think the thing you need to focus on right now is YOU. If you don't have friends or relatives to bounce things off then maybe a therapist could offer some sound advice. It is always hard and it is doubtful that it will ever be the same, but sometimes that's ok. If you get through this then things will likely be better because they'll be out in the open. If not, then you'll be stronger for living and learning. Life is full of bumps and bruises and all experiences make us human. On another note, is there someone you could confide in? At work perhaps? I don't mean during business hours, but maybe after? We're always here for you, no worries there, but sometimes a one on one is nicer. I had an ex who threatened his life too when he got caught. My therapist said "usually" those that say, don't do. As a rule of thumb that's cool....just be sure to know what the signs are for real, and not what his signs are to gain your attention and forgiveness. Hang in there! I hope this helps...even a little....

ChristineB

corry im like you exactly my guy cheated on me nd he wasnt admiting it when i saw messages he was givin me excuses yet worse makin me feel like i was just paranoid till i saw a chat log that had it all tellin a gurl how he wants her and all nd how he cant stop thinkin of her...then he admited coz how can he hide...nd hes askin for forgiveness i dunu what 2 do either im so lost!

bee

Hi im 23 years old meand my husband have been married for two years in july. i have lots of problems with his ex wife and foe the last six months he has been cheating on me with his ex wife. i dont get it we have a two year old beautiful daughter and i dont know what to do. His ex wife cheated on him so many times when they were together and i just dont get it. now he says he is more in love with me then ever and i just dont know what to do. are sex life wasnt great and he did things with her he didnt ever do with me. i guess i just dont know is he not over her or what. should i just move on?

Ashley

Hi Ashely and welcome. That's a tough call, and one that only you can make. When deicsions are hard, really hard, like this one I try to think with my heart, not my head. Try to not over think, just sit quietly and listen to yourself. You will know, one way or the other what to do. What you hear may not be what you want to hear but if you trust that little voice, it will be the right decision for you. I hope this helps. I know it's tough, I've been there and I would bet most people in this forum and in the world have been there too. Looking back, listening to your Self is always the best bet. Go with your gut, your instinct and your heart. You'll never be wrong.

ChristineB

I;ve been a cheater with an ex-wife, but not now. It was difficult when I visited my children at her home and the children wanted to do activities as a family that did not include my current wife. Example, child wants to walk holding a hand from each parent. Children want to play on floor with both parents. I knew I shouldn't have played family games that included my ex while excluding my current. Things just led up to sex, and after the first time, it became something rather routine. After many occurrences, I became ashamed and told her I couldn't do it any more. Even though my wife never found out about it, I still am pained for what I did, even when making love with my wife, whom I truly do love.

Ishcaboo

Ashley, you need to think long and hard about whether you're willing to continue to accept this. You have a two year old to think of. They want to have their cake and eat it, in my opinion. Don't give them the day to day responsibility of looking after the kids oh no or helping you do it too so you can share more time together, including feeling more like sex because you're not exhausted. No, they just want the fun stuff that happened before kids came along when they want it. I think it's shameful to keep not only the ex hanging that might be harboring hopes of reconciliation but to deceive the new love. How much more could you undermine a new partner's feelings about the relationship than to have sex with your ex, the most intimate act two people can share? I could never ever forgive that. It would crush me. Guys, relationships are fragile enough and if you can't trust yourself to be alone with your ex, don't put yourself in that situation. Meet the kids at McDonalds or something. Don't play happy families with your ex, because that's what you're doing. It's also unfair on the kids too who might think you'll get back together when you have no plans for that to happen. And by the way, just because you haven't owned up to it doesn't mean it's past and you got away with it. There's nothing stopping your ex giving your current partner a call one day when they're feeling vindictive or think you've given them false hope that you'll get back together. Either put your energies into making the effort with your wife to build a better relationship instead of sleeping with your ex, because something is obviously missing there that needs to be addressed, or be honest and end the current relationship.

fiery

I just found out my fiancee cheated on me and i feel devastated. it was with a woman that i told him repeatedly i did not trust, and he always laughed off my concerns. i have been with him my entire adult life and i truly thought we were happy. he has apologized profusely and wants to make it work. i cant imagine my life without him, but after what happened, i cant bear to look at him, and i am terrified that if i stay, this will always be hanging over us. Our wedding is only three months away, and i have no idea what to do.

Gwen

my husband and i have separated after 24 years ofmarriage. He was online with a coworker talking constantly and calling her or her him ALL the time. We fought over this because i thought it was wrong. She is married as well. He said they are just GOOD friends and now his best friend. Since we have separated they see each other and he began dating as well with her and others. But he calls me once in a while and tells me he doesn't want to give me false hope , but he misses me and wants to take it slow and see where it goes with me. When I am around him which has only been 2 times for only a couple hours , i feel like a stranger and have nothing to say.. i feel betrayed and no trust anymore with him. There are times when i don't hear from him in 6 weeks.. he calls maybe now 1 time a day or less.. think this is a midlife crises? or do you think the coworker is the one for him.. he said he is not allowed to talk to her anymore.guess her hubby found out... but he still is texting her ..and now calls me to tell me about her... whats up with this???????????????

dee

My husband and I have been married for 20 yrs. He is having medical problems and decided to clear his guilt over coffee in Cracker Barrell by tellingme that he has been having an emotional affair for almost 15 years. No sex, but petting...I am devastated. We have 8 and 9 yr old kids. My daughter, 9, heard everything during an argument. She is having as hard a time as I am. I don't know what to do. If he were healthy, and could get away without giving up any money, he would be with her. But because I'm not willing to walk away with nothing, she doesn't want him. BUT, he would if she would say the word. I don't want him here. But I want my kids and I want to leave the state to go live by my sister. He has agreed to move with me. But once we are there I want him OUT. Am I wrong for doing things this way...considering for the past 15 yrs, what he did to me.

lostmyself

Hi everyone! I guess this is for you all or whom ever can answer this best. I have been married for 6 and half years going on 7. My husband and i have been having issue for the last 2 and a half years with trust factor. He cheated and eventually told me about it. I chose to except it and move forward but not forgetting however 6 months ago the person he cheated on me with sneds an email saying that she had a baby that was about to turn 2 and she thought it was his baby. Wow it is still really new to me cause i just found out and I feel really stupid cause I am hurt and angry but I love my husband to. I am not sure what to do. I know if I take him back I have to except that outside child with open arms cause he is my step son but what hurts is I can't have anymore children and we came into the marriage already with children. None together and he knew do to me having an illness that I have to have a hesterectomy which threw that idea out the window for us. What would you do in my situation? Stay or GO?

Serenity

I know exactly what you are feeling I went thru the same thing with my husband. What I would say do is continue to love your current wife as you have and you must cut those kind of tides with the ex, my thing is if you all where meant to be you would not be currently married right! So you need to ask yourself is having sex with my ex worth loosing my current wife cause eventually waht you do in the dark comes to the light. I know you heard that beofre. I do however commend the fact that you stopped on your own.

Serenity

I, too, know exactly what each of you are feeling but I didn't think as I'm sure most of you didn't, that I would be looking for answers from others who went or are going through this. I feel that I'm dying inside and that my life was altered and tainted because at this time I am totally obsessed with horrible thoughts and don't think that I will ever get this out of my mind.

Bren

I have discovered my husband (second for both of us) has been cheating online with women. He is having explicit sex talks, even while I am in the room! I discovered this when our power went out and when it was restored his chats appeared on the screen. He says he likes it and won't change.

Leanne

I am not married, but I have a problem I need to talk to someone about. Me and my boyfriend of two and a half years, lived together. It had felt like a marriage, but the unhealthy thing was we would not have sex. It had bothered the both of us, but I am the one who decided to go and get with two other men, being the person I am, I had to tell him how devistated I have become. Doing that act was the worst thing I could have ever done, but it made me realize that he is the one I want to spend my life with. Being twenty I thought I needed to have sex and wasn't being satisfied, but now I know we could have sex if we were more open with eachother. I hope he comes back to me...

lost

Um..I was with the same man for 4 years...Our wedding was supposed to be august 30th but I found out he was cheating. HE came clean about everything and grabbed me, begging me not to leave him. He has been beggin outside of my door for weeks and is declaring that he is a changed man at the thought of loosing me. He said he ended the three week affair after she threatened to harm me in order to have him. I am so devastated. I saved myself for marriage and it just seems like "the whores" are what men want rather than a classy women. I am a psychologist and still don't understand the pathology of a cheater!

Destroyed

when my husband was away on a trip i looked through his personal stuff and found sex tapes of him with a prostitute and another with him alone he's a sex addict and takes hash on daily basis we haven't had sex for almost 2 years as he blames my character that he dislikes and that i am not dirty sexually enough to arouse him .. i am under a shock after watching those tapes and i feel destroyed totally

ronda

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year July 11th and back in March I started getting a gut feeling that something wasnt right. So I took it upon myself to go through his things.What I found made me even more suspicios.He has a whole shoe box full of DVD Porn and a box of condoms that had been opened so I counted them .. and I continued to go back and count them every week and found that some were missing every time I checked them so I decided to go further and check his cell phone and wallet I found passwords to all his email accounts which I started checking and passwords to dating sites he had apparently been using. He had his phone locked to where I couldnt check his sent calls or received calls nor his text mesgs but he forgot to lock his media gallery and I went through all his pics and found a pic of a girl named Aimee I also found a pic of her breast he had on his phone..I questined him about everything and of course he lied to me and said that breast pic was something one of his friends sent him and that aimee and him were just friends that he had met through this other girl he knew that I didnt even know he had known. He said she was having marital problems and that they talked about her problems. I tried to accept what he told me as the truth but I kept having this gut feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasnt right so one weekend while I was out of town I set up a fake email account and started talking to him online well he replied wanting to meet me and the day that I scheduled for the meeting to happen was the date that I was coming back from out of town and he and I were suppose to be together well he sent me a text telling me that one of his friends had an accident that he needed to go to the hospital to see about him and I knew I had got him..he was going to cheat on me with this fake girl I had set him up with...I busted him for this and then found out he had been cheating on me with this aimee girl that ended up being a married woman. He had been lieing to me the whole time and he said he stayed with her because she was threatening to tell me about them ..which I think is B*** S***. She since has went back to her husband and is now pregnant and in the bottom of my stomach I wonder who the baby belongs to and at first I wanted to try to work things out with him but Im scared to death he will do me like this again..he has taken my self esteem away ..I feel so bad about my self and I know I dont need to be this way..what am I going to do..I cant stand looking at him and I dont feel the same way but I feel sorry for him..Everytime I try to tell him how I feel he threatens to end his life..I dont want him to do something stupid like that. What can I do !!

Dont know what to do ??

If you were my female family member I'd strongly encourage you to immediately begin living your life without that guy and would personally work with you to facilitate such a move. I have been a cheater and, contrary to popular belief, a cheater can change that type of behavior. I believe the risk of losing a girl friend or spouse of value needs to be more important a few minutes of sexual intercourse to the cheater. Your guy obviously does not think the value of his relationship with you is very important to him. You can do it!!

Ishcaboo

The one that it hurt was my daughter. I feel once a cheater always a cheater. If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. Go and get you a STD test. His friends might be carring something you don't want. It is sad because it hurts the whole family, not just the spouse.The other men in the family are very upset.I bet this wasn't those guys first time. They just got caught THIS time. I don't care how much money he has your sanity is worth more than he can give. You got it I am very upset about this. We support our daughter in whatever decision she makes but the family will NEVER be the same.

Mom

i just found out my husband cheated on me in 2002. he confessed when i found recent emails to the lady he was with. i emailed her and she said it happened 1time, but they email each other maybe 3 times a year. i found an email he replied to when we were on vacation last month. she recently moved out of state. he apologized, insist that he loves me and wants to be with me forever. i always thought he was different from other me and special. the crazy thing is i believe he would not do it again the lady he cheated with was his sorar from school and they started talking in the chat room of their phraternity. should i give him another shot or not. we've been married for 10 years. i don't know why he cheated. it is so unlike him and his personality.

mom of 4

My answer was intended for "Mom of 4.)

Ishcaboo

I posted a reply to you but I don't know where it heck it is. It is some where in the system. Maybe I'll find it soon. Do hang touch and think about yourself and you children.

Ishcaboo

We have been living togther for 6 years and were married 6 weeks ago. I discovered a few days ago that he has had several ongoing online relationship with women he met over an online dating website (adulfinder)Some of the correspondance dates back a few years! He even met and had dinner with one of the women.when away for buisiness. He admitted to the meeting and the emails and visiting porn sites. I phoned the woman he met and she seemed a relatively decent sort. His profile on the webite said he was a widower which he was!!!! I made him show me the website after I busted him, The woman admitted to meeting him for dinner and said that fooled around but did not have intercourse. This dinner date was in April as we were making plans for our wedding, they stopped corresponding late May as she had met someone else. The other "pen pal" and he stopped corresponding in January, I do believe him when he said they never actually met as I made it my mission to discover who she was. I know that if he had seen her there is no way he would have slept with her. The emails were pretty intimate though. The third "pen pal" sent him video attachments that were very graphic. I believe he may have purchased sex toys for her, so that she could video herself, I believe he has corresponded with her for years. I do not know but have suspisions that he may have met with her when away on buisiness.He has promised to stop this. I have told him that we can try and work this out but it would require the help of a councelor. That he was to make an appointment. He has and the appointment is next week. I don't know if I will be ever able to trust him again, and I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life policeing his every move. I am worried that if I eventually can and do let my guard down that he will start again.

Seashell

My husband cheated on me two years ago. I decidied to forgive him and we have been in marriage counseling ever since the affair. Our marriage since the affair has been better than ever and we are more in love then ever before. However two days ago he told me that he was out drinking with some friends and ended up making out with another girl. I told hom last time this happened that I would divorce him if it happened again. But now that it has happened I am so confused and dont know what to do. What does everyone think can he change and never cheat again? Or do you think it is time to divorce? It is hard since we have been together for ten years.

Abbie

It's really sad when the person you think you can trust turns out to be a liar. I'm dating this guy that in the begining told me that he was not seeing anyone that he had friends. Blind me didn't realize that "friends" meant people he was sleeping with. He insists that they mean nothing to him that however after reading an email he stupidly left open, I found out that atleast one of his relationships is beyond the just sex phase. I feel lika a fool because I keep falling into the same emotional traps with men and begin looking down on myself as though I'm the one thats doing something wrong or is lacking something. I really want to tell him that I dont want us to see each other like that anymore but I cant think of a valid enough reason without spilling the beans that I read his email even thought he left it open on a computer we share. Any suggestions/advice?????

delima

my suggestion would be - spill it! if HE left it open, he obviously didn't care enough to hide it. you don't need a valid reason to allow someone to continue to treat you like dirt, leave it and find someone who respects you for you. just my experience, but I dated a guy that I had known since childhood. he was older and we were never close, but it was a childhood crush ... so when he asked me out in college, I was all for it. well, about 6 months into it I find out he is married! he was seperating from her and had been in the process of it for a year, but the fact that he never told me was a huge slap in the face. of course, other than that one minor (NOT) detail, the relationship was great! so I let it go, and 4 years later I finally dumped him once and for all because of the constant lying and break up-to-make up he was pulling. sadly, he wasn't my first relationship built on mistrust, but I made sure he was MY LAST. I have always been one for giving second chances, because there were people out there who were kind enough to give me one when I needed it. but if you're not comfortable with your gut feeling, then trust it! I am a firm believer that we all know deep down when someone is trying to pull one over on us, it is just a matter of us trusting ourselves MORE to listen to what we know is right. and if you still need a valid excuse to leave, then tell him "I care about you, but I care about me more" ... it's all you need.

dianerene

Four months ago I found out that my boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me. I found many many text messages from his cell phone to a number I didn't recognize on our bill. When I called the number, the voicemail was a girls voice. I will always remember that moment in my life as the day my world fell apart. He and I have been together for a long time and were best friends. We were distant for months but I thought it was a phase we were going through that would pass. He is not the type of guy to cheat, so I never thought anything like that. When I confronted him, he admitted it. I asked him questions and he answered honestly. I didn't want details because it would have just killed me. He told me that he loved me and that it was a mistake and that he told her 2 weeks before I found out to leave him alone and that he loved me. She knew he had a girlfriend from the start, but it never stopped her. He never promised her anything. Apparently she was a loose girl who was bisexual and very aggressive. For a few months, I couldn't stop the pain in my heart that I felt every moment of every day. We decided to try and make it work, but part of me just wanted to torch his stuff. I thought better of it and decided to give him a try. I insisted that we both got tested for STDs (even though he said he used protection) and told him that if I even see ONE text or call to her, he would be gone. For the past four months we both have talked more than we have in years. We both cried. He is ashamed and so remorseful for what he did. He constantly tells me he is sorry, but it doesn't make the pain go away. I am sure it will be rough for a long time. Now I don't trust him at all. He met up with her behind my back while I was sitting at home trusting him. I feel so conflicted. Because even though he hurt me so much, I didn't stop loving him. But I am so angry that he put me through this...I feel like I should just be on my own. We have decided to give us time to see if we can make it. Make changes, earn trust back. We gave ourselves till the end of the year. We are starting to get closer now and then on friday, she texted him from another number just to say 'hi'. After 4 months!! He doesn't know I checked his phone, but I am SO ANGRY at her that I don't know what to do. Is she that desperate?? Yes, he is to blame because he allowed it to happen, but he told her to leave him alone and she is still trying to make contact. Just being sneakier about it. He did not respond to her text message and I have since blocked her number. Will this ever be ok? My life has been completely changed by this. I am so angry at her for trying to mess with my life again, I want to hurt her and it scares me. I don't know what to do anymore.....

Stacy

I just found out that my husbamd has been corresponding with a women via email and his cell phone. I was reading our emails and came across a very suscpious one from a woman seeking a date with a picture. I started looking to see if he might have another email address set up through another server. Well after a few moments, I found an email address that he had set up under Yahoo. There they were...emails from her and those that he sent her. She sent him pictures of herself that were quite explicit. He implied that he was divorced. It also indicated that they had spoken over the phone. I couldn't believe it. Of course, I got very upset and confronted him immediately. He admitted that he had gotten her number off a dating service he saw on television. He said that he stopped a few weeks ago but he couldn't even look me in the eye when he said this. He told me that he never met her and stopped before it went that far. I don't know whether to believe him or not. Whether sex was involed or not...he cheated. He broke our trust. I don't know what to do anymore. We've been married 15 years and have two beautiful children. I don't think I can forgive him.

Tiffany

My husband and i have been together for 20 years, married 15 of them. He told me a month ago he wasn't happy and was moving out. The first week out, it was to help our marriage and not about going to the bars, second and third week out, it was about going to the bars, but not meeting anyone, and now he HAS met someone that he is seeing, but doesn't bother to come see our 3 children. 15, 14 and 6. First of all, how do i get the knot in my stomach to go away, from knowing he is with someone else. And second of all, how do i stay strong enough so my kids don't see how bad it is killing me? He is so detached, and goes days without contacting the kids. We were always such a close family, we did everything together, and now the kids are lost. And i am just trying not to think of him with the other woman. HOW DO YOU DO THAT????? HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

tryingtomoveon

My husband did the same thing. He would get info on "singles websites", then a month ago told me he was leaving me and my 3 kids. He swears there was no one before he left, but i know there is someone now (its only been a month). Its the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with, and i'm sorry for what you are going thru. But i hear it gets easier to deal with. i hope that is true

tryingtomoveon

It's hard to stay family friendly in my post when I read things like this. Some men don't truly understand the meaning of a commitment. Maybe he's going through a midlife crisis, but he needs to think about what kept you both together all that time and find a way back to the family. I understand about hiding your anger and frustration from the children, but I'm sure the older children sense what you are going through. Walking away is immature and irresponsible. After what you two have been through, he OWES you the complete truth. He OWES you time to work through your problems and see a counselor.

Lisa

He refuses counseling. He said he's afraid it will work, and that isn't what he wants. My kids are in turmoil. They are so confused. I have read about midlife crisis, and it is trully what he is going thru. My therapist said there is nothing i can do about it, other than to just move on and try to find happiness. But knowing he is with someone else, so quickly is hard to get past. How do you get past the "thinking of the 2 of them", when i have been with him most of my life??????? this just sucks.

tryingtomoveon

It does. Definitely. What helped me is realizing just how many people have been where you are. We made it, you will. And another thing is that I bet a huge percentage of those that went through are are glad ...it is hard in the beginning but now that it's over I'm GLAD. You will be. Focus on the positives and let him go. It will take time, but in the end you will be happier than ever. really!

ChristineB

I just found out a couple of days ago that my bf cheated on me 5 months ago. We have been together for 4 and a half years and have lived together for 3. He has lied to me in the past about other women, but I have never had proof of anything and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. This time I do have proof. The other woman didn't know I even existed. She feels terrible and told me exactly what happened. They only met that once since she lives out of state, but they have been exchanging emails and texts. They were going to meet in another city a couple of months ago, but he says he cancelled because he couldn't go through with it. He denied it completely up until the point where I told him that I spoke with her directly. Now he says he will try counseling or whatever else he needs to do. He says that he has a problem and doesn't know why he lies, but he wants to try counseling to get to the bottom of it. He says he wants to change. Losing him would mean losing my best friend, my home (since we live together), and my family since I love his famly like my own. I just don't know what to do. I feel like no matter what, I am screwed. I want to believe that he can change, but it scares me. I don't want to get into a marriage with someone who might hurt me and future children. He says he was planning to propose to me in a couple of months, which I am inclined to believe since I noticed he had been saving up a lot of money lately. I am just so confused and hurt.

unsure

So I have been married to my husband for 4 years. We have been together for almost 7. 2 years ago I found out that he was having an affiar long distant, but he was going way out of his way to carry on the relationship. I forgave him "easy" we jsut kept right on going. During the next year I kept finding clues and proof that they were still seeing each other. exactly 1 year later I left him for 6 weeks. but decided to make it work. Again....this time we went to counceling and it really seemed like it was working. But here I am a year and a half later...and what do you know he is with a new woman...This time I told him to leave. So what am I going to do now? I don't know. We have a 2 year old together and he is ther only father my 7 year old has ever known. I love him, but I love me too. I know what I am worth. I know what I wouldn't want my little girl to put up with. I know that I would lay my son out if he treated a woman like this. but yet i don't know if i want to fight for this marriage or not. So for all of you who are going through this for the first time, let me give you my insight on cheaters. This is an addiction...and like drug addicts or alcoholics...they can over come their addiction. However, everytime the addict is faced with the object of their addiction they are just a thought away from falling. So if you go into recovery knowing this, accepting this, and with eyes wide open then at least you will be one step ahead of the game. As for me...i am just trying to decide if I want to go through the rest of my life wondering if the object of his addiction has become to much for him to reject or if he has fallen yet again.

what a mess

Hi folks. I have been with my husband for 10 years. IN 2006, he cheated on me. It seems to be the "norm" these days. It was your typical cheat..but there was a samll twist. He cheated with my son's best friends mother. My son and her son used to play baseball together, and my husband was ateempting to be the "assistant coach" of our son's team. What I hadn't realized is that he was building a relationship with this woman from a year prior to that when they saw each other at a local college. This woma, was also best friends with my daughters' friends mother. Appreantly a small town, you think? SO as the tales unfold., my children and I were horribly embarrassed. Everyone knew but me. I was an active parent who raised THOUSANDS of dollars as a coordinator for various activities. I was well known in our town. The funny thing is, we are still together. I get no sympathy, nor do I deserve it. It was MY decision to attempt to work things out. The worst art of the situation is that my father was dying of cancer. Father's Day weekend, I was throwing a BBQ for my hubby and his family at our house. The friday before Fathers day, he walked out on me. So there Iwas, alone with 4 children, a mess, trying desperately to compose myself for the kids, and where did he go? Right to her house with his brother, thye got drunk and the rest is history. We hadn't been close for quite some time. I was very preoccupied with my father and our children. However, I KNOW that can NOT be the excuse for what he did. It DOESN'T give him the right to hurt us that way. My father was ill, and because my Husband was SO preoccupied himself, he was a HORRIBLE support system for my children. He refused to take the kids to my family reunion because he"didn't feel Like it". He had promised he would, to take their minds of of my dying father and the very open wounds of his infedelity that they were having trouble with. As we rounded my father's last days, my husband was terrible for me. I had NO NE to lean on, and he was a horrible support for them while Iwas gone. My husband and father had swaped trucks for a while, as my father had intentions of using my husbands 4 wheel drive to go "swamping". My father had more money that he knew what to do with. He gave my hubby a 2003 Dodge Ram(2WD) with a HEMI, super charger, decals, the whole nine yards. The truck was worth over $50,000. My husbands Ford Explorer? OMG...MAYBE $3000? But that wasn't the point to my husband. My father promise that he would replace anything he broke or the whole truck all together. WHat a damn deal! Still in all, as I was in Florida, on Labor Day weekend(2006), All my husband did was bother me about "bringing his truck back..>ASAP" They way he disreguardedmy childrens feeling through a time they needed us, is and WAS inexcusable. They way he spent all of his time disreguarding MY feelings, well it sucks, but at the time, All I cared about was my children, who were back here in NY with a man who obviously didn't know that HE was not the priority! Two years later, it still hurts. Not just the infedelity, but the fact that our family was destroyed AND my children suffered the brunt. ! NEVER did it occur to me that this was all my fault!! I have no clue how to deal with this. NOW, we are in the midst of a nasty court battle with our oldest daughter's biological father. That is a whole other story. My oldest adughter has apparently been so damamged and embarrassed by the fact all that took place that she has begged me to get rid of my husband ever since. She is now claiming some inappropriate touching went on and that my husband has been walking in on her for the last 3 years! The child protactive case is now closed but she is treating me like crap, because I am assuming I didnt just toss him out because of his cheating. OMG..I am feeling so alone and empty. NOW WHAT?

Shellybelly

You can only show that you are going to be with your children, unconditionally. Get them in counseling. No matter how bad it is, NEVER speak "Ill" about him, no matter how hard it is. Keep your chin up. A thought would be go o church, join local groups that your church has for support. call a friend. I cried alot when it was me, but generally tried to do this when the kids were in school. OK, so I creid ALOT. Yes, it is hard not too. CAll a help line. You are annonomous(sp?..LOL) or join these fabulous chat ares for support! Good luck, and keep your chin up. Don't let your self fall pray to the teenager way of handling very grown up things. I am sure you are intelligent and we all see that you LOVE your children. Just remember to buy come CALGON and "bathe" it off!!

Shellybelly

My boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me, and I dont know what to do. I caught him and the girl together in our house in our bed. He even admited to me that if I had not caught them he wouldn't have told me. He said that he is sorry and that the time that I caught them was going to be the last because she was getting to attched. But I just dont know if I can beleive him. It has been 3 weeks now and we are trying to make things work, but I just can't get that image out of my mind. And when I bring it up he gets angry. What do I do.

Stormy

After twelve wonderful years of marriage, I found out the my wife was having an affair for the past month. It has torn my life upside down as I felt that this was one of the only people in the world that was not capable of hurting me like this. I can't sleep or eat and have found ways to blame myself. She was my first love, my world and I looked forward to growing old with her, but now I don't know what our future will bring. She has been acting like I am being unreasonable for hurting the way that I do and tells me that I am putting pressure on her. She tells me that the sexual relationship is over but that she still conciders him a good friend and continues to talk to him. I don't now what to do. All I ever wanted was to make her happy and no matter what a great husband I am it was not good enough. Sorry for babbling but I am going through a lot right now.

sad&lonely

Sorry to hear the bad news Sad & Lonely. I'm no expert but I do know that successful marriages come with mutual conditions of conduct. I think you ought to have a serious talk with the woman and present yourself from a point of strength, strong enough to push her aside if she isn't willing to meet agreed upon conditions of conduct. Being a patsy makes no one happy except the guy who is having sex with your wife. Hope things get better, buddy.

Ishcaboo

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and just this past summer I found out he had cheated with a girl at work. I found out through looking through his messages on his phone and my suspisions were verified. The reason I was suspicous in the first place was out of the blue he said he needed more "alone time" and from then on he acted like a stranger from what I knew him to be. Looking back, my intuition was totally telling me what I didn't want to believe. I confronted him twice. The first time he admited to seeing her behind my back and the second time he finally admitted to being intimate with her. I could have dealt with his first confession well enough but when I later found out they had actually had sex I was absolutely floored and heartbroken. She texted him "the sex was great" after he had broken it off with her. And on top of dealing with fixing things with him she still persists to the point of desperation. I've told him where I stand with keeping in contact with her no matter how innocent but he just doesn't get it! I have my days where I'm so angry still but his behaviour and attitude towards our relationship is much better than before. How do I deal??

Sasha

I have been with my kids' father for 11 years. He has cheated in the past but I just let it go as our being "young". A couple of months ago HIS best friend calls me and tells me that my boyfriend and his girlfriend are messing around. I knew this girl - she did his hair - she has been in my house - she knows our kids and I had even helped her out a few times when she needed it. He denied it and I went with it after all him and his best friend were not getting along at all. Well a couple weeks ago I find a pair of his boxers in a clear plastic bag with a box of condoms - with of course one missing. Now how can you deny that one? A few days later he is sleeping and there is his handy dandt cell phone with some rather odd texts from an odd number. So of course I call the number and it is none other than his best friend's girlfriend. I just lost it. He swears up and down that it is not what I think and yadda yadda. I just cannot stand how bad I have started feeling about myself. Why am I not good enough? Why am I not pretty enough? But it all makes sense, unfortunately. For a few months now he has pretty much done absolutely nothing with me in any kind of public setting. I'm just really, really hurt. I loved him like crazy - would have done anything in this world for him and even held some small hope that one day he would marry me. I was a good woman to him. Stayed by his side NO MATTER WHAT....job, no job....home, in jail. I just dont understand how men think. This other girl has NOTHING going for her. Her son was taken away by the state - she does not have a job - she does not even have her own place to live AND she had cheated on his best friend a million and one times. And this is what he wants?? I guess.

Just Devastated

My husband left me three weeks ago for a women he met at work, he established a relationship with her that was so special that he decided to leave his family for her but only after I told her I was two months pregnant and she broke it off with him, he left me and my boys to show her that he really loved her. In addition I found out that this was not the first affair, he cheated on me when I pregnant with my first son and again with my second son. I found out he left his first girlfriend for the second one. After 17 years of mariage I find out that there has always been other women, his affairs tend to last two to three years. He job requires that he travels frequently so I never questioned why he was always working late or going away for weeks at a time. Now I realize that I was just the standby in his life waiting until there was someone else. I do not understand how I could have been so naive. I believed everything he told me.I am so hurt and confused righ now - he comes over to see my boys as acts like there is nothing wrong. I think about him all the time, I wake up thinking about him and end my day crying. Thank God my boys keep me busy during the day so I don't have time to think about him during the day. I used to look forward to my quiet time, now my quiet time is consumed with thoughts of him.

laura

I'm glad I found this article...I'm very hurt right and sobbing.We've been married for 10 years we have a 15 years old daughter..I found my husband cheating on me coz he admitted that he really needs companion while working over seas for over 6 months..I do really love my husband so much i dont know if i will trust him anymore...and also he admit that he had infection coz he refuse to make love to me..my heart is empty, betrayed and he told me i guess i dont want marriage so asked him do you want divorce and he told me that's not what i said...now hes back in overseas to work..do i need to give him a space or should i need to work this marriage...I dont really believe in divorce if i can, but now I'm really hurt.coz i always told him i trust you so much and he just pause the conversation..i dont show to our daughter that i'm hurt i need to be strong in able for me to forget but it's just really hard..the damage is done..

charizze

I've been married for 4 years. Back in July I found out the my husband, whom is a teacher was cheating on me with a girl whom at the time they started was 16. He is 33. I'm 25 with 2 kids , 7 and 4. Their affair had gone on for 2 years. The girl is 18 now and she is the one who told me. For a long time I had that gut feeling something wasn't right. And boy was I correct. We have decided to make the marriage work. But I can't shake the feeling or the trust issue. I know deep down in my heart that it won't happen again, but am I sure. I lie awak at night just wondering, when, how and why? I want to trust him and believe this will work. But can it really happen?

Amanda

My boyfriend groped some girl that was half passed out and I was in the very next room. I'm so lost. We live togtether and I don't know what to do.

Dani

How are you supposed to get over this. Every time i think i'm over it, it pops up again and i'm in a mess for weeks sometimes months. I suffer with depression and this makes it worse, as i'm writing this i'm desperately trying not to break down at the office but i know i will by the end of the day. I hate this, I love him so much but i can't forget i feel sometimes like i'm loosing my mind. any trust i ever had in him is COMPLETELY dead and he won't understand why i don't just "get over it" i can't i have our daughter to think about so i can't just walk away from her daddy. what do i do. the girl he cheated with was his ex and since then he says he has not cheated but he was seen and confessed to acting "inappropriately" text,phone calls,touchy feely stuff etc. I'm so unhappy most of the time now. what do i do??

Kitti

my husband cheated on me with my our friend in our spare room, while i was home and asleep. i woke up and heard them. they didnt have intercourse...he was getting a hand job, not quite sure what he did to her. not sure i want to know. i believe it would have gone farther if i had not gotten up. he stood in the door way and told me nothing was going on while he was in his underwear with a hard on. finally he admitted to parts of it and blamed it on that we had had to much to drink that night. its bullshit!! he was in bed with me and she went home with her husband. he got up and she came back i know there is so much more to this than i can even comprehend right now. help ...im so sad. this just happened on sunday morning at 630 am..01-11-2009 i dont know what to do!

amy

I've been with my husband for 6 yrs. and married for 4 yrs. the first time he started cheating was at his bacholar party. he has slept with a few women including hookers,the whole time i was taking care of our two babies. some days i don't want to get out of bed. I feel like i'm living a nightmare. he did this but i hate myself soo much. people say it will get easier but it feels the opposite. i can't get it off my mind. everything reminds me of the cheating. please help.

Heather

To Mark who believes that checking a cell phone is an invasion of privacy.... If I hadn't been checking my cell phone bill online and the usage for the phones I would not have caught my husband cheating on me. If you have never had the pain and frustration that comes from a partner cheating then you would never know what it is that "we" go through daily to try and keep our dignity in check. Yes we choose to stay with them because we love them and want to hope for the best in the end. But once you become married everything they have becomes yours... including their baggage so invasion of privacy? How about invasion of infidelity?

Suzanne

i think my girlfriends cheating on me. She never calls me unless i call her. I live with my babymother but she is unaware of this and thinks i'm single and live with my cousin and her baby. I love them both and share the week between them. It works well as babymother thinks i work in the country at weekends hence when i'm at other girlfriends house. I want to choose and just have one partner but it's difficult. I've got herpes and sadly have already passed this onto my babymother. I don't know how to tell other girlfriend that i have got this and don't really want to risk losing her as i do love her

copley bryce

You seem like a sad body of doo doo and don't deserve being a father, somebody's useless boyfriend or even a male child among male peers. Do both girl a favor by digging a hole and pulling the dirt over you.

Ishcaboo

i overhead on christmas day my husband speaking so sweetly to someone one our house phone. i called the number back and a woman answered. i wish i had read your article then...i immediately blew up and confronted him. now he says it has been going on for months and he loves her and she him. i want to reconcile and do not want to be divorced. we have a 15-year old & 10-year old. what should i do, i don't waat to divorce?

blindsided

Wow, I can't even imagine that. I'm so sorry to hear that happened. I understand, I was divorced and my husband was unfaithful. He claimed he was in love with someone else and I did not feel it was my job to convince hi to love me instead. As painful as it was I let him go. His relationship with her failed and after time I was happier without him than I ever was with him. I say listen to your heart, and don't try to convince him to be with you....

ChristineB

I've been with my husband for ten years. We have 3 beautiful children, between the ages of 4-8 yrs. old. My husband cheated on me with a woman that was currently having an affairr with another married man. She is all after money and fame and my husband is a powerful man. The circumstances are wicked, however after my husband bringing home the evidence of a used condom and myself starting lab work for DNA matching, after agonizing and trying to put together what had happened he finaly confesed. I promissed him forgiveness ILO of telling me the truth. He did. The party he went to involved dinner with the entire party group, comming back to the party organizer home, where my husband, tired after a week-end of entertaining the same group of people, fell asleep into a room where this woman was actually hosted with the other guy. He wanted to rest few hours after having something to drink and before driving home. I knew he was extremely tired after and entire week-end and repetitive gatherings wiht the same group. I attended the first two days since these people are somhow important business wise. Never met them before, neither my husband or myself. After a male DNA testing could not be established, yet anal secretion was depicted I insisted more and more in needing to hear what happened to him during those two early morning hours unaccounted and known as he was sleeping. Here are the facts based on his confesion. This woman walked in the room where he was sleeping, stimulated him with her hands and managed to get him excited......He says that when he woke up she was on top of him having anal sex. He stoped it right away, pushed her off, flipped the condom off, thinking it was removed completely, had an ugly exchanged of words and took off. The act was not consumed, there was no ejaculation........however this stil means cheating. All I am left with is disgust, broken trust, bitter heart, and I run this scenario over and over again in my head. He is really sorry and he wants to work it out and he is asking for forgiveness. He feels miserable and the guilt is huge. He promisses a change in the entourage. He tells me he is dead without me and our family. He is asking for forgiveness...He wants to work this out. We are a Christian family, sure God is upset right now. I do not know how to fix it. There are childern involved.I love my husband and I am so contradicted. I am a beautiful woman, I work, I care for my kids and I love him dearly. There was nothing missing. How do I go on and what kind of infidelity is this? There are still missing puzzle pieces.........how do I know that he actualy was taken advantages of and that the he stopped the sex? How do I know he did not invite this and somebody caught them and stopped it before ending. How can you he be so careless to bring home and leave in his clothes the evidence? I am going crazy and I have nothing to hang on but my children and God.Thank you, Bella

Bella

I have now been married for almost eight years. From three months into the marriage I found out my husband had cheated on me. I forgave him. We now have 3 kids - 6,4 and 2. Mind you, the cheating never stopped. Last month, for some reason or the other, he told me that the last girl he has got a baby girl, although he said he always uses a condom. 2 weeks later, he has cometo me begging for forgiveness, saying that he is for rel this time. He really wants to change. I told him I will take a lot of time because, not only has he cheated on me, but he also degrades me and speaks better things of these women. Do you know what he said to me lately, that I am very boring, and he doesn't thing it will work out because I keep reminding him of the things he did and that he should have chosen to live with the woman and his new baby. Could you believe this POS. The best part of it is he can't read and write, I help him along the way and, I guess, so does the others. Why do I still put up with this mess. Mind you never help out the kids always have something to do. Shouldn't I tell this jerk to come pick up the rest of his belongings and get lost in space. Let the other woman who is so much in love with him do her share now.

darky

I found out that my boyfriend of 9 years was cheating. We had a beautiful home, animals, and I had girls from another marriage that he step into the roll of Step Dad, or as the girls called him Fun Dad. This woman is someone he works with, and about 1 1/2 ago she broke up a marriage of another person at their office, moved in with the guy and then he ended up leaving her and going back to his family. This whole ordeal turned my world completely upside down and inside out. Of course the first feeling was what's wrong with me. I guess I'm pretty enough, or I'm not wild enough in bed, the list goes on and on. I too felt trapped. Our beautiful home was in his name, I didn't have a grand job and he did. So I retreated and spent days at my parents house, thinking of things. He of course denyed every piece of evidence I had, even when I finally got an annoymous call from someone who worked with him telling me who it was. I went through his bank statements & credit card bills and found that they were going out to dinner to REALLY nice places for at the very least 6 months. Still to this day he said it was a friend. I didn't buy it then and I don't buy it today. I deceided that life was fixing to change, that I will struggle to make ends meet, and will have to do without a lot of things that I grew accustom to...but decided that I will take all of those things in order to walk away with my morals, interity, and do it while being a lady. I told him that he did this so he will pay for it so I was able to get money to put down deposits, and replace things, I was able to tell him that I was taking furniture from the house, I got an apartment all on my own, set up my house hold and left. He now is calling, texting, saying he is sorry, that he didn't think that this would be so permant, not sure he thought I had it me to just get up and leave. I am polite to him, I am not bitter, I choose to forgive because I know where he is headed. I did get a tad even without being awful...I emailed the woman let her know that I thought what she did was wrong, and that they deserved each other because neither of them care who they step on to get what they want. I did tell her to look in the mirror because she has a big flaw that she doesn't think much of herself unless some attached man is leaving a relationship they've had for years for her. She never responded and that actually was a good thing. I still talk to the EX, he tells me he loves me that he was and is just lost. That he needs to work on himself, and you know there is a lot of truth to that. I need to work on me too. I have good days and bad days because this is only happened about a month ago so the wounds are still fresh. I have decided to not own his flaw, he has to own it. I have lean on my friends with everything I had and they all came out of the wood work, once I opened my mouth everyone of them was right there, helping me pack, listening to me, and because of my friends and famil

deeply_sadWHY did you do it in the first place? What made you cross that line of betrayal??? Why would your wife want to take on some of the blame??? I'm curious as to your perspective...is it that you are just weak? Have you done this before???

Me

Please help. I've found out my fiancee is cheating on me online. He's beed on a networking site for almost 2 years. I looked at the page about 18 months ago and the was messages from womed including one with a photo of her breasts. I confronted him and he swore it was a mistake, a bit of harmless fun and he's added the woman by mistake. We talked about it at length and he promised to stop and put a message on the page saying he was only interested in me etc. Then 6 months ago I opened a text on his phone. It was from the same site, a woman saying, "Here's my tits babe." Again I confronted him and he said he didn't know anything about it and that he had no idea where it had come from. He even got me to look up the site and right enough the message was still there.Then yesterday I searched the site again and a different page came up, with him on it, and a bunch of women. He is working abroad until May. I phoned him and confronted him yet again. He swore he knew nothing about it. That it must have been someone he knows who did it... He even said he'd delete it! I asked him how he knew the password to do that? Stupid of me, too quick, he said he didn't and couldn't do anything about it. He talked me round again. So today I messaged every woman on his page and eventually got the proof. I asked how they knew him and explained what had happened. One woman told me he's asked her to chat on MSN. So I asked if she had the MSN e-mail address. It was his e-mail address with his full name.I haven't spoken to him about it yet. I'd rather do it face to face but he won't be back until May. He's in a remote area tonight and won't have internet access or mobile signal but he's back at his base tomorrow and will phone tomorrow night.I don't want to split up. I love him so deeply and I've given up everything including my career to be with him. But I can't carry on and get married to someone who has continually lied to me and carried on even when I've caught him twice. Please, please help? How can I save this?

Sooz

A woman came to my house at midnight a few weeks ago and told me that she has my husband's child. I called my husband and he confirmed it. He ended the relationship over a year ago, and she never told him she was pregnant. Instead she shows up at my house with my kids asleep. She has also started stalking my husband at work, showing up at his job at 10:30 at night. We have had to get a restraining order. My husband is no longer in the home but I am worried about what this woman will do to try to get me out of the way. My husband says he doesn't want to be with her and has told her, but her behavior is so irrational she seems to have other plans. I haven't even begun to decide how to deal with this whole disaster. We have begun to get paper after paper from child support and lawyers. My husband has really created a mess. We have been together for 17 years and have two small children. Where do I begin?

monique

My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We have 3 kids (17, 15 & 14) togehter and I helped him raised his son, 21, and daughter, 23 from his first marriage. They both call me mom. In 2004 he began a 3 year long affair. My husband was the coach of a little league baseball team. This woman, "Carol", and I were friends our son's played ball together. His affair with this woman ended in late 2007.Which I didn't know because he never told me. He let me keep assuming he was still seeing her. Although when he began to stay home more often, spend more time with the family and take me out once in a while I had a felt that maybe he wasn't seeing her anymore or as much but I wasn't sure. We never talked about it. On Valentine's day (2-14-09) I went off to work and my kids said that soon after I left for work my husband hopped on his motorcyle and rode off. At the end of my work day I knew my husband still had not returned home because the kids showed up at my work midway thru my work day with a bouqet of flowers for me and when I asked about their father they mentioned that "dad's not home yet" He didn't hide the first affair from them and they also assumed that he was still seeing this "Carol". So as I was leaving for home that day I called my husband on his cell phone and got no answer. I sent him a text asking him about dinner and he told me that we should eat without him. I knew then that something was up. I asked if he'd be home later and he said he wasn't coming home, at all. I cried myself to sleep that night. Still assuming it was "Carol". He showed up at home the following afternoon, Sunday. That's when we had a talk. He told me he had met someone new and that he no longer was in love with me and that I didn't make him happy anymore abd that he and this new woman are in love.Same thing he said with the first affair.Well the following friday he came home packed a bag and was gone for 5 days was home for 2 days packed another bag and he hasn't slept in our home in 3 weeks. The first woman "Carol" is a married Mormon woman so their time together was limited. This new woman "Angel" has been divorced for 15 years but has had her ex-husband living with her for as many years.My husband met her thru one of his friends.The two days he was home was so "Angel" could kick her ex-husband out.I love my husband very much.Which is why I stayed with him thru the affair with "Carol".He doesn't know what he wants.He wants me to give him time.He says he's not happy where he's at either.I know I have to divorce him because he's cheated on me our whole marriage.He has hundreds of pornographic pictures on the computer.He's always on meet-up sites or woman seeking men.With his first affair he told me that if I hadnt meddled, I tried talking to her and I called her husband to tell him, which didn't do anything, but he said if I had left things alone and not tried to interfere that the affair would have only lasted 6 months and he would have been done but since I refused to leave them two alone that they continued the affair out of spite.When we had our talk about his current affair he said he was heartbroken when "Carol" sent him a "Dear John" text and when she never returned his calls.He was heartbroken because "Carol" told him she loved him.His thinking is that if things dont work with "Angel" that he can come running back here as if nothing ever happened.I love him but I know that he's hurting me and my kids and that this isn't right and that I can't keep letting him hurt me this way.

Ronnie

Hi,I would really appreciate any guide here. I know this guy for over 10 yrs now. When we met, we dated for many years, but things didn't go well due to some distance and trips, my family not liking him, and he cheating on me. Not one, but at least 2 times. Now, after all these years, we have kept in touch one more time, he is my best friend and I'm his, we feel quite comfortable with each other, and realized we love very much. We both want to settle down asap, he says he will never cheat again, and explained he did because he wasn't barve enough to break up with me and hated the way my family treated him.Now my family keeps telling me he will do it again. I'm reading all these stories and feel bad. He has changed quite a lot, in the sense that he is way more mature in most of the areas, and I don't know how to asses if also in this very basic matter he has had too.

Patty

I just recently found out that my husband cheated. Now I dont know what to do with myself. Im constantly questioning myself as a wife. I think I want out.

Kim

guys i really need some advice.... sorry this is going to be long....My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and have been living together for 1 1/2 years. We have always had a wonderful relationship up until about 6 months ago. Last October, we got into a huge fight that ended up with him staying at another girls house, and me staying at an old friends house. He says that he didnt do anything that night, but I did find an UNopened box of condomes.Since then, i have not been able to trust him, and i have told him that it is giong to take time for me to regain that trust. Well. in Jan he started a new job that takes him out on the road 6 days a week 12-16 hours a day. Ive gone to work with him a few times, and seen how it works.Recently since Tue, he started having to take a new co-worker with him who just happend to be a girl. Usually when he has to take someone out with him, its only for the day. Now, this girl has gone out with him everyday..including today. When i ask him who he had to take out, he avoids my question and beats around the bush not to tell me, until i ask him flat out then he will tell me. Last night, he had her with him, and he told me he had a "show" at 8pm on "wilson dr" right down the road from our house. Well, "wilson rd" is the plaza that walmart is in, which is impossible to do a "show" at. Later on i found out that he was driving around for 2 hours (never calling me or returned my 2 txts) until he called me at 1030 to say he was on his way home. When he came home, he ate dinner, then said he was going to take a shower...which is unusual for him to do at night. I stopped him from doing so, and we started making love. In the midst of everything, i noticed the smell of rubber/latex. I confronted him about it, and he played it off as a joke, saying that i was being rediculous. We talked about it for a while, and it ended with him promising me that I was the only one that he wanted to be with, and the only that he loves. I dont think i believe that.Meanwhile, in the middle of the night, i wake up to him fondeling me....( sorry about the graphics) but he was still asleep and a deep sleep at that, where i couldnt wake him up. This morning i told him about it, and he said he was dreaming about me.... am i crazy for sticking around? Is he cheating on me with this girl, that he wont let me meet? I did try calling her one night from his phone, but as soon as I said hello, she hung up on me, and texted him the next morning, saying "SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT" .... please help me, i cant keep feeling like this, its tearing me up....

jennifer

I just found out that my husband of 11 years is sleeping with another woman. I found text messages from him when he was working about going by this woman's place. He has her number saved in the phone as a guy's. I called it and she answered, "Hey You." Knowing that it was my husband, she hung up. I have found out from an invoice in the mail that he signed up for one of the phone dating lines where they have phone sex. He denied it. However, he admitted to me he likes to call phone sex chat lines but not dating. I found another dating site he signed up for where our home phone is listed. He denied signing up for that too. Well he calls phone sex chat lines a lot. About $100/month-late night. Come to find out he's been doing this for years. He also has posted his private parts on a gay date site for hookups and listed himself as bi-sexual. Of course he denied that. I have known this man a very long time before we even married. He's a fantastic dad to our two young hildren. I work outside the home and bring in a really good salary. He works from home watching the kids. I really don't want to destroy my family but honestly I hear a voice inside me telling me I know what to do. I don't want to destroy my children's lives. I'm really afraid and I'm scared to talk to anyone. I've considered divorce but have seen how it effects children.

sassy

wow sassy! that's a tough situation you are dealing with. If you really want to and think it's best to work things out with your husband, then you will need him to get honest! lay it out for him, "these are the facts and this is what I know" ... maybe ONE of these things is a mistake, but with all that you have found out, it seems like more than a coincidence. Then you can work on the why and how ... if he is not willing to be honest with you then I don't see how you can work on improving things. good luck!!

dianerene

I just kind of need someone to tell me pretty much what to do. I have always had my husband's passwords to his e-mails as he does mine, we've always thought of our relationship to be very honest, i tell him everything, and i thought he did too. We live in different countries because he's doing his phd in spain, but are planning on moving in together in november. He just asked me a couple of months ago if i wanted to start planning on a baby, and although we're married by law, we didn't do the whole wedding thing, and he wants us to do that, with our families and everything. Anyway... i needed something last week that i knew he had in his email so i opened it and looked. (I had done this before and he didn't mind), but this time i got curious and actually started looking for specific things. I found a couple of things, like letters from and to a girl (before we were married) and they just seemed so inlove, him included, but when i had asked him before about her he said she had been just a relationship that he didn't really care much about. Anyway... it was before he was with me so i shouldn't care. But then i found one an exchange of three e-mails between them ten days before we got married. He was telling her how he had been waiting the whole day for her to call and how he really wanted to hear her voice...anyway... at the end, it said "I love you"... no.. actually it said "Te Amo" which cannot be missconstrued as just i love you as a friend... it means i actually do love you. Anyway... after this i didn't find anything else and i spoke to somebody who told me he doesn't even know where she lives now. I don't know what to do. He knows i found the emails and said he doesn't know what to do or say... i told him to start by feeling like crap and i told him i want the whole story with her even if most of it is from when we weren't together. There is one piece of information he doesn't know i know... his sister messed up and told me about it... i'm afraid he won't include it in the story when he actually tells me everything, because it means he's just trying to tell me everything i already know but wont tell me what i don't, which in the end would be like lying to me. Anyway... i am really heart broken... i am a cryer... but i haven't cried and it's been over a week... He's coming tomorrow to stay for a month, but i don't even know what i'll do when i see him.

Angie

Angie from my personal experience I would have to say relax.If he is willing to be upfront with you and keep you in his world and let you have his passwords he is allowing you into his world. So please don't get upset with him, even though I know it is mind boggling and confusing to you as why he would he been emailling her and saying I Love You to another woman. But let him explain and respect him and listen to him, I am sure it would be a message of wanting to hear from someone who was close to him and in his own way ( a man thing) still needing to say goodbye to their past and hope to be only friends in their future because he is marrying you. You should have trust in your relationship and should be able to talk about anything even the hard stuff that you might not understand and likewise for him. But as long as you both keep the door to communication open and stay honest with each other and yourselves. You will both be fine.

devilsdesire6055

hello im 22 yrs old .. i have been with my bf for almost a year. i found out that my bf was cheating on me online with several girls so i made a fake account and made him add me.He started talking about me in a bad way to this fake girl(which was me)he said that he wants to get rid of me and he just cant stand me anymore. he also said that im stupid and act like kids and he just wants opened minded girls to date.moreover he said that he regrets bein with me and is waiting for me to do a mistake inorder to leave me.after that i asked him to open his cam he did.. and i opened mine!he was shoked to see me and i told him its over.since then he sent many msgs and called like 40 times.. but i didnt answer.after that he sent me a msg telling me that if im not gonna answer he is going to tell my dad that we r together since my parents dont want me to go out with him.so i answered him and he started apologizing for hours he even cried and i begged me to go back. he said he regrets everything and he never actually cheated on me more than just talking and flirting wid girls online.he also said he never meant to say all what he said .. and he said all that because he was trying to have this girl(the fake girl i created).i made him apologize and made him feel really bad about what he did.and i told him that i forgive him but i had my rules set and i told him that hell have to try hard to get my trust back.however i dont feel good im sad im depressed i cant smile i just cant forget his words.. i dont know what to do im very confused plz plz help!

HELP

I am sorry you are going through that, but you have to decide if you truely forgive him. the words he said were hurtful and degrading, and if he will say those things when you are dating, can you be sure that you will have a comfortable future together? I never like to tell someone, "leave him" or "forgive him" because I have seen second chances work, and I have seen them fail. every situation is different and depends on the people involved being commited to making an honest effort at change ... but I also feel very strongly in having respect for ones self. if you allow people to treat you badly, they will. I was in a 4 year relationship where I allowed myself to be put down and taken advantage of. my goals were always put aside for his and I always forgave (and sometimes even took the blame) for HIS issues, begging him for another chance. when I finally took a stand and said "I'm better than this", he turned around and begged ME to come back and I told him no. It should not take me defending myself to get respect. a relationship should be built on respect. ... I will add that I am still in touch with him and I made the right choice. the respect is there, but it's too late now and I cannot say it would have still been there had I taken him back.

dianerene

More than once I've been told that a wife has some idea when a husband is cheating. I'm not talking about a one time thing. I'm talking about the regular dick head who doesn't care about the pain he is causing his wife. So, watch for the signs!

Ishcaboo

I have been hurt so bad by my husband of 3 years. I found out that he had been cheating with a woman who was a suppossed friend before and at the time of our marriage. I found out about it on our wedding day. I went thru with the marriage out of mere shock I think. It killed me to know that he continued the affair after we married. He has cheated since with someone else also. He has never come out and admitted or said he was sorry for doing it, but he seems to be towing the line as far as I can tell right now. I just cant seem to get over this. I cant trust him at all and I cant hardly get on with my life because Im always wondering what he is doing. Can anyone help?

Carol

I found out my boyfriend had cheated and i forgave him but the hurt is still really bad. It's been months and I still have some issues with it. In fact sometimes I want to leave him, but I really want it to work. I just wish he would talk about it.

Tay

I just found out that my husband of three years cheated on me. it was while he was on a business trip back to a socially thriving city where we lived, met and eventually married. He says it was with the girl he dated right when he met me. He chose me over her and ended it. He and I had to move to another country due to work and things became different; all the stressors of the relocation/ new country, etc made it a challenging time. I always thought that we were just experiencing the normal period of adjustment necessary in a situation like this. Being that we both ALWAYS had the same stance on infidelity, I NEVER worried about him-- EVER. I trusted him emphatically and always pitied the stories from friends about their questionable spouses/ bf's. At one point while he was away, I noticed that he was acting distant and asked him about it (I even went so far as to think *maybe*?? but the answer was always NO in my head). Prior to this, he and I were trying to get pregnant. He said that he has been nervous to tell me that he wasn't ready and wanted to wait. I wasn't devastated and agreed to wait (a little hesitantly since I am 38 with no children) I arrived to meet him in that city for a little vacation added onto the end of his work there. When I arrived, I noticed that he was still acting different and confronted him on it. He said that he hasn't been happy and wanted to split up. After longgggg talk (and crying), we decided to give it a go. The rest of the vacation was magical and I thought that it was all just a necessary cleansing process. Once home, I was still sure that something was not right. He was skulking around with his iTouch and he had changed his passwords to Facebook and hotmail which I had always had his consent to access anytime. About 10 days later, I came across said iTouch and I cant explain it, I could not resist the urge to check his hotmail which was linked. Surprisingly, he hadn't changed his passcode and there it was-- the email confirming my suspicions. I was and still am in shock. I didn't cry, I was/ am still numb. I am obsessive in thought and cannot get it out of my head. I confronted him and he did not deny it. He gave no excuse, but just the reason that he thought he and I were splitting up when I arrived. He reconnected with her and one thing, blabla. We decided to work it through, but I cannot get it out of my mind. Also, the one thing that I asked him to promise was to dissolve all contact with her. He agreed, but how do I know for sure. I can't help thinking every time he goes to work or takes the dogs for a walk, he is on the cell phone with her. We have given it to the end of the year to see if all is well. I have allowed him this ONE indiscretion, but he seems baffled at my acceptance of it. He says that he loves me and is so in love with me, but there are personality facets that he does not like and results in his unhappiness, thereby his want to split up. Am I giving him permission to do it again?? Becasue I didn't throw things and smash up the house, as he expected, is my attempt at forgiveness being misconstrued as being a pushover? I am so confused and preoccupied. I have cold sweats at night and cant concentrate at work. I scheduled myself into a counselor today, because I feel that I need to work on me. I do not think he wants to see anyone for couples counseling (as he has a lot of childhood/war/ ptsd issues I think he is afraid to uncover). Someone help me, please. Can this work out and become one of those sucesss stories where we are 'stronger than ever'?

random

My 2,1/2 years boyfriend has constantly cheatting on me with various women. He always kept his cell phone with him and never let me check on it, untill yesterday night, where i secretly took his cell and discovered hundresds of emails from different girls- he had more than 7 ore 8 other partners , slleping will all of us at the same time. i just dumped him, but im really devasted, my female ego is ruined...What should i do to be ok again?

Ennice

Carol I am in the very same perdicament myself. I have found loads of evidence and the thing that kills me most is if he would just admit it..and we can try to seek counselling and move on. But he's denying everything...and has now treated me like I'm the problem. I will never be able to trust him again. I am 28 and hes 42. We have been together for 12 years and have a 10 yr old son together. Stupid me!!! Honey all I can tell you is if I didnt have any kids with him..the answer would be so much easier to deal with. I am now seeing how this man that had treated me like princess for all these years can just turn on me for no reason. Of course every relationship has its ups and downs..but I never thought in a million years this would be happening to me. I am extrememly devasted but have the support of my family..and his family too! I'm exposing him to everyone..and all he can do is give me this sly quilty smile like I'm making this more of a mess then what it is. Basically I'm done. My son and I will be moving once our house is sold..and I know that I will be that princess once again.

Diane

I just found out my man of 4yrs was cheating because he done brought home a STD. I'm devastated.

Monique

I have been with my husband for 11 years and married for 8 and I just found out that he cheated on me and we are tryinh to make it work we are seeing a counselor. We have four children together and 1 past away at the end of my pregnancy. He has been cheating for 5 months and he tells me it's over and there is no communication left between them. I really want this to work but there is that little part of me that says get out of this relationship!! I love him very much!!

Candy

I've been married to my husband for 4.5years now. But I've known him since I was 15 years old. now 39. The first year of marriage was good. It's after he did time in jail about 6 months after thats when things changed.I've been there through the wrost of times. He's cheated on me so many times I can write a book. I feel so stupid because I have given him all of me, he was my world he completed me. He has said that he loves me and that we will betogether even in death. He say's he has a sex addiction but I dont by it I think he's just saying that he lies all the time what do I do I'm sick of this I'm reaady to leave but my heart won't let go!

Renthie

My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and we have 4 kids. He cheated while I was pregnant with our third child. Our situation is different then anyone's else's. We met while both serving in the navy, and I got pregnant after a few months. My husband married me for our son. we were both 20, and I don't think either of us were ready. He is an awesome father and husband. my husband, carl, had to go back home for schooling before we could transfer. I decieded to move back home while he was in school for the birth of our third child. While back home, he wanted to re live his wild days, and slept with 2 women. He slept with one of the women twice, and the other one more then that. He acually played pool and partied with one of them. We were married for 3 years at this point. Even though we married for the wrong reasons, we love each other very much, and stayed married for the right reasons. Carl was always faithful while deployed on the ship. I know this for a fact. I also know he has been faithful since. I'm now finding out what happened after 9 years of lies. He has been a great husband since. Carl tells me the only reason he lied was because he didn't want to lose me or the kids. I can understand why he did what he did, and we have a great marriage. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father for my kids. My question is, How do I let go of the pain after all these years? I know how much he loves me. I have never questioned that. I'm just thankful for the truth.

megafan

I've been married for 12 years and found out my husband touched a stripper at a strip club. He was away on a business trip with other co workers and they took him to the club. My husband has never been in a place like that before. He swears that is all that happened. My husband is such a shy quite man, I want to believe that is all that happened. I don't know what to do.

elleanna

Hi, I hope this is some help to me to share this with the rest of you. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. We have had a very trusting and fun relationship. Like any other we have had our ups and downs. We have also had to have a long distance relationship during various times while I was finishing school as well as him and now once again while he is working. He is living over 3,000 miles form me at the moment. I just went to see him for 2 weeks and we had a great time together. It was kind of like finding eachother all over again but then while I was visiting him he recieved a package from another woman named Amy. My whole world flipped over and pieces began to fall into place. Amy is woman he met soon after moving. He used to tell me about her and that she would let him do laundry at her place(he lives on a boat) and she was older and he was not interested in her in that way. I tried to be the bigger person and not the jealous girlfriend and I trusted that nothing was happeningbecause he is an honest man and had never cheated, until he got the mail. He had to go to work and while he was gone I did the unspeakable and read a few pages of his journal. He confessed in his journal of sleeping with her and even wrote that he felt guilty and dirty while it happened and could not help thinking of me and that he was ana asshole. I confronted him when he came back and he was angry and denied it. I did not tell him the terrible betrayal of trust I comitted in reading his private thoughts. After he calmed down we were able to talk about it maturly and he told me that it did happen between them. We did not say much for a long time because earlier that same day he had asked me to move to where he is before the mail had arrived. That night with no prodding from me he did not rammble on apologies but sincerly told me he was so very sorry and that he promised with more than what he was to never do anything like that again. We were able to enjoy eachother the rest of the time I was there but now I am back home and the thoughts and images creep into my mind when I least expect it. I even have dreams where he introduces me to her. Part of me so desperatly wants to move past this and believe we can recommit to eachother and move forward like we discussed before I left. I am just now starting to hurt so terribly much and don't have the opportunity to talk to him in person and I also am so scared to even consider moving to where he is at this point. My heart wants to be there but my head feels like I might be setting myself up. How do we repair this and will I ever be able to not hurt or be scared that he will do it again? I just need some honest advice that is not tinged with revenge or previous pain. Thankyou for reading and your time.Confused

Confused

I would like an opinion from a man who has cheated. What are some good signs that my husband is sincere when he says he won't cheat again?

Francis

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sesu

I have a wonderful husband. He just likes to watch and talk to other women... there is a line but he does not understand that.....It hurts to watch the one you love talk and get phone numbers from some one younger than you..... the girls and women who see a ring on the finger means he does have someone at home who care and gives a crap about him.....don't let us down..... us girls stick togther....thru thick and thin.....

Bobbi

I am trying to get over losing my husband I am really confussed I lost him everything my home credit cards phone car clothes my life was given to some one else while I was in california getting my papers in order to return to canada where we lived and than find out he was -ucking this so called friend of his since we got together and he never let me get on this laptop and I took it with me when I left caanada and there is all kinds of shit on it he answered craiglist for asian women any women moms with kids TV" men Sex hook up site and this has been going on since we got together and I am not a bad person or ugly I am very pretty and cute and I thought he loved me I am lost

frankie

Gosh this happened to me 2 months ago and I know how hard this is. My huband has cheated only after 18 moths of marriage the worst thing is. it was out of character. he met this woman when he was a sales woman and she called him for coffee and they had been sleeping together for 6 weeks when i found out and it totally crushed me.We are trying to make things work but knowing myself I dont think I will ever fully forgive him. The lies that he told me and the fact he left me at home while he was having fun makes me sick to my stomach. If any females want to form an email group please email me on ellevbridal@gmail.com

LadyBee

My husband did not cheat in the body, but he did with his emotions. He kicked me out of our home last year - told me he still loved his ex-wife. He then said we would be getting a divorce. I begged him to not make me leave and work on our marriage, but he didn't listen. After two weeks he snapped out of it and then begged me to come home. I refused for 4 weeks, then I finally gave in. He said how sorry he was and how much he loved me. He was not seeing his ex - as she lives many states away, but he did call her on the phone to tell her how sorry he was for being a rotten husband while being married to her. When we got back together he called her and said he was sorry for calling her, that he wanted his current marriage to work and that two wrongs don't make a right - that he wants to be a good husband to me. My family & friends think I am crazy for going back to him. What do you think?? I am try to base my decision on there is no biblical grounds for divorce and that I am obligated to forgive. This has been almost a year and I am still tormented for what he has done. I lost my trust. I fear he will do something stupid like this in the future. Last year came as a shock! He has been an awesome husband since we got back together - way better than before. Should I count my blessings and move on or should I fear that history can repeat itself?

The 2nd Wife

Also, I want to add.. when he kicked me out and told me he wanted his ex-wife back, he actually had been thinking this for a couple months, as he had told his family and friends. I was left with embarrassement. I was left out of the truth while everyone knew but me as I did not know he was contemplating going back to her. He said his friends had confused him for making him feel mad for being such a rotten husband to his 1st wife. PLEASE HELP! He lied several times to me last year about various things, but now he claims he is a "new" person and won't do that again. It's been almost a year and I haven't seen one lie and he is very gentle with me, but I have been left with lack of trust and fear. ADVICE, please...Thank you. SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO???

The 2nd Wife

I dont know where to begin.My husband , best friend high school sweetheart died a year and a half ago...Im lost without him and loved being married and hate being alone after 28 years of a happy marriage ...Im not one to be alone.I Met a Man and have been with him for the last 7 moths off an on we have talked about getting married, I do love him very much and he tells me that he loves me more than I will ever know. You have to know what he has told me as to how he is to understand why im so confussed so this is what his story is: He was kicked of of the house and on his own at 17 by his Dad told it was time to become a man and learn to do for himself , joined the army, had his own buisness,went to collage was and is in the pro rodeo. he married a woman he says he didnt love because he wanted children , and was never home just stopped in when not rodeoing after 14 years he finally divoced her takeing the girls and raising them on his own ... He says he has always been a loner, come and gone as he pleased answers to no one , never having to explain himself to no one he said he was unloveable because he didnt know how or want to love and be hurt by anyone...I see the pain he carries from feeling his Dad never loved him.etc He's not one to show his feelings but when he does it feels so special to see them.he has opened up to me so much telling me things about his life he says no one else knows...most ppl missunderstand him as being heartless,selfish and controlling a loner a user of women because he never could show real love.but as a man, he's a man of his word a hard working loyal giving friend loves animals and children giving to others without them knowing it was him that gave.our story: In the begining ( dating ) he cheated on me while out rodeoing, He denied it at first becoming angry that I would think he would so we broke up,for awhile then the came back so unlike him in tears saying how much he loved me how sorry he was that he hated himself for hurting me so much because I am the only person he has ever truely loved and he was even in love with me and wanted to marry me one day but he knows that Im to good for him that he is no good.... he tells me how hateful he is and what a free spirit and a loner he is all the time but that he loves me and wants it to work..we are very happy when together we live 89miles apart and only see each other when im off and can go to him 2x a month at first he called at least once a day sometimes 2 or 3 but if he is watching tv or etc..he wont answer or call unless he has nothing better to do now.I have no priority in his life as anyone does..he comes first.he leaves on trips to buy cattle for his ranch days at a time without saying he's leaving and no contact while he's gone tells me to trust him.. just know he loves me and will be back. he say's it's all about trust and that we both have lives to live and things to take care of when we are apart .. but when we are together that is our time....I do feel he loves me deep down in his own way the best way he knows how.. but its not normal..and its loney , sad , worrisome and hurtful. makes me feel foolish for loving someone like this so much and to keep letting it go on i feel disrespected,unloved and uncarred for but cant tell him that or he will tell me to move on then because he dont want me feeling that way and i need to find what im use to to be happy..but he is in love with me ..why do I love him so much a man the total opposit of my loving husband..i know it's not right..is he still cheating? does he just not know how to love? do I get out ? hang in ? is it me? am i to needy? I need help !!

no self respect

i have been in a relationship for 14 yrs on an off he wanted to go back to his wife and kids four yrs ago i let me go not three months later he was back saying i was right it had been to long for them to make amends he said he came back because he miss me and wanted to be with me no matter how long it took for me to trust him i let him back four yrs later i am very dissatifed i found passwords to singles net and last night i found sexual text messages on his phone he tells me i am silly that i shouldnt have looked in his phone and shouldnt be worried about it we no longer agree on things i dont want to go to bed anymore not because the sex isnt good but because i dont feel i am enough for him he says i could be but i wont allow myself to be all the while telling me i am wrong when we argue its okay for him to express himself but i am not allowed to i am thinking i am ready to forget about the last fourteen yrs please answer me chris

chris

I just found out on Tuesday that my husband of 18 yrs has been talking to a girl that he works with. He has assured me he broke it off with her but admitted to having feelings for her. He assured me there was never any contact between them other than the text messages and phone calls. He will not tell me who she is. This really bothers me. I dont know how we can move forward if he is not completly honest with me. I have battled with the decision to get a detailed billing on his cell phone. Of course he does not want me to do this, he says it will only hurt me worse. I haven't eaten in over 50 hrs nad mu hurt is breaking. Any advice? I love this man we share 3 children and long past....

Hurt and Upset

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