By Kristen Houghton
She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife
Marriage is meant to be between two people. Of course everyone realizes that dealings with children, in-laws, and assorted relatives are par for any marriage course. We learn to deal with everyone as well as we can.
But what about an ex-wife who still feels she can call her ex-husband, (now married to you), for every, and any, little problem in her life? Dealing with that is a major challenge for any married couple.
The bonds of relationships are complicated and complex even when two people are no longer sharing a life together. While it is aggravating to the ultimate degree to have your husband’s ex constantly calling him, understanding why she does it may help you, together with your husband, find a way to stop it.
Your husband’s first and foremost loyalty is to you as yours is to him. That is an unchangeable fact of life. That being said, let’s examine why your happy home is being disrupted on an almost daily basis by a woman who is legally divorced from your man.
Acceptable communications from your husband’s ex should be important to both of them.
If there are children in the picture, phone calls between your husband and his ex are inevitable. If she is calling about a sick child, a little understanding on your part will not only help your husband but will make his ex see you as a kind person. The problem of being divorced parents is a serious business no matter how funny divorced couples are portrayed in sit-coms; in real life it is no laughing matter. When it comes to the child’s health and care, both parents need to be involved. This you must accept. The welfare of pets in their former marriage also falls into this category.
Calling or emailing him to let him know important information about schools, relatives, and children’s activities are sometimes necessary too but they shouldn’t be frequent. There is information he needs to know.
Unacceptable communication from her would be anything that is harassing, or excessively needy.
Does she call him to complain about money problems, or alimony and child support? Is she “email abusive?” If your husband is on-time with his payments as stated in their divorce settlement, her calls and emails are to be considered harassment and can be stopped legally.
Is she calling him to do things she can readily do herself or have done professionally? Picking up her car from the shop is no longer your husband’s concern, nor is mowing her lawn or re-grouting the tile in her bathroom. Your husband has to make it clear to her that he will no longer be available for “chores.”
A red flag should go up if she is calling because she’s “lonely” or if she “accidentally” bumps into him, or shows up to wait for him at places she knows he’ll be. When your kind-hearted husband feels sorry for her, it is time to have a very serious talk with him about commitment and your life as a couple.
Communicate with your husband about how you feel. Tell him that you are uncomfortable having her constantly get in touch with him unless there is a very important reason to do so. Chances are he feels the same way.
The ex, no matter how she feels about it, is no longer the wife and has no rights concerning your husband. As hard as it may be, it is time for her to move on.
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