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    When She Cheats-A Male P.O.V.

    By Kristen Houghton     

    The twenty-first century has spawned a sort of equal opportunity for cheating. It is no longer a predominantly male issue. In a 2008 poll, taken by the University of California, Irvine, statistics showed that women are twice as likely to cheat on their spouses during the first five years of marriage.

    When we hear about infidelity it is mostly from a woman’s point of view. Women are the victims, women have been used and deceived; their trust has been betrayed. It is a terrible experience.

    But men are just as much victims of infidelity as are women. They just refuse to talk about it. There is a gender specific reason for this.

    Men are less likely than women to openly acknowledge that their spouse is cheating and, even if they grudgingly admit it to themselves, it is very unlikely that they will discuss the infidelity with anyone else. Most men keep the hurt and deception buried deep inside, seeing the infidelity as a slur on their manhood.

    A man who accidentally found out his wife was cheating on him through an email message, says: “When I found out that my wife had cheated on me, the first thing I thought of was the word ‘cuckold.’ I had first heard that word in a high school literature class and I remember my friends and I used to snicker and make rude sounds whenever we found it in the story. Even though the definition of cuckold simply means the ‘husband of an unfaithful wife’, the unspoken definition is that the man is a fool, a dumb idiot who had it coming.”

    Both sexes take infidelity in a personal way, but with men there is a very masculine twist. Where a woman has a need to talk about the whys of the affair, a man will retreat into himself. He may refuse to discuss the affair even with his wife. As far as the whys go he will blame himself for not having been “good enough” as a man. He sees himself as a failure in all ways. The cheating impacts him on every level of his being; as a provider, a husband, a father, and, most importantly, a lover. The devastation is real.

    Besides the unfaithfulness there are other aspects of his life with which he has to deal; children, money, and the end of a marriage. If there are children involved, a man has fears that a woman rarely thinks about; not being the custodial parent and having to fight for visitation rights.

    “After I had gotten over the shock of my wife telling me she had been having an affair for over a year, my first thought was to get a divorce as soon as possible and move to another state. Then I thought about my kids. I couldn’t leave; I was afraid that I might lose them if we divorced. Don’t most courts award the mother permanent custody of the kids? I decided to leave the house but stay in the same area. I could not, not be near my children.”

    Financially, since the man is usually the one who moves out of the home, he worries about how he will be able to support two separate households.

    And as far as salvaging a marriage, while women may stay with a husband who has cheated, and even resume sexual relations, a man is more likely to end it. His self-esteem makes it almost impossible to see himself with “another man’s woman.”

    There are therapists who are now specializing in counseling men through this difficult part of their lives. Counseling and time are necessary components to heal anyone who has been the victim of a cheating spouse, female or male.

    Written by Kristen HoughtonRate this article:

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