By Kristen Houghton
It's Okay to Have a Selfish Marriage
Recently I heard a marriage referred to as "selfish," as in, "you two are so into each other, you're selfish." The comment was made by an aunt of a friend who wanted her niece to drive her to a furniture warehouse, a trip that would take most of a Saturday. My friend declined because she was meeting her husband for dinner in the city and there were things she had to do to be able to leave her house on time to get into the city.
"How long have you planned this dinner? Is it just you two or are you meeting anyone else?" asked her Aunt.
When the aunt was told it was spur-of-the-moment and that it was just my friend and her husband, she said,
"If it's just you two, can't you meet him later? He'll wait."
My friend said no and that was when the selfish comment was made.
The word selfish is defined as "caring chiefly for one's self or one's own interest or comfort." Though it sounds kind of petty and self serving when applied to oneself, I think that the definition, with a little twist, is fine when applied to a marriage.
"Caring chiefly for each other, your interest, and comfort" sums up exactly what a couple should have together.
Husbands and wives make up a unique partnership. Married, we sometimes take each other for granted. Making the effort to keep appointments with each other, caring about not keeping one another waiting, making sure that "a date set is a date kept" are areas of a marriage that couples should keep sacred.
"I sometimes put my husband last because I know he'll understand if I'm late or if I'm busy with something else," said a woman I know.
This is a poor attitude that will eventually make her husband feel he is not that important a person in her life. If you're last, how important can you be to someone, especially the person who says they love you?
A colleague of mine says that he knows he takes his wife for granted, that he has commitments to his large extended family consisting not only of parents, sister, and brothers, but close friends. He knows she understands.
Really? Does she? He might want to ask her.
If you were to give a dinner party you would want the most delicious food served on the nicest china that you own. If you said you were going to meet a friend for dinner, you'd make sure that you weren't late.
Why should it be any different for your spouse?
We seem to give to everyone else, financially and emotionally, and have only the "crumbs from Caesar's table" left over for our married life together.
You and your spouse need to be "selfish." Making your relationship a priority in your life is a necessity. Many things, such as raising children, caring for parents, working, can make an impact on your relationship and, at times, take time away from being together. These are unavoidable situations in life. But when the time comes for being together, make every effort to be selfish with each and for each other.
Children grow up and leave home, parents are not always going to be with us; you need to establish the fact that your marriage is number one in your life. Too many people put their relationship "somewhere on the list." It should be first.
Take the time to be selfish. It's worth it for the rewards it will reap. Let your partner know he or she is number one in your life. Remember the reason you got married. Your relationship was priority one then and it should be the same now.
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