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Why Can’t I Have It, Mommy?
By Susan M. Keenan
One of the key phrases that a child uses against a parent is, “All of my friends are allowed to have that.” A parent has no recourse but to respond in kind with, “Well, you aren’t your friends, and I am not your friends’ mother or father.” That particular type of comment does not do a lot of good in respect to solving the impasse or preventing it from occurring again. The child simply resents the parent even more.
In fact, the best way to deal with this type of situation is to prevent it from ever occurring. One of the best strategies for that is to teach the child at an early age that life is a series of give and takes. If we want to acquire something, we need to earn it. Sometimes the earning takes the form of financially earning money to pay for an item. Other times, the earning takes the form of showing the ability to be personally responsible for possessions. More often than not, a combination of the two is necessary.
Teaching a child financial responsibility can be accomplished through the practice of a few good guidelines. In order to teach the child that things cost money and money does not grow on trees, it is essential not to give the child everything he or she wants all of the time at the point in time that the request is made.
Allow your child to make choices. If your child wants two new toys, have the child select only one item in order to learn financial responsibility. If your child has an allowance, earnings from a job, or money he or she received as a gift, allow your child to purchase some of the items that he or she is requesting.
Parents who want responsible children have to actively spend time trying to raise responsible children, because unfortunately, responsibility is something that a child must learn. If mommy always does everything for the child, how is the child ever going to learn to take responsibility?
To teach your child responsibility, you need to provide a consistent guideline from the earliest possible moment. If you require your child to perform certain behaviors on a consistent basis, the child will learn that specific behaviors are expected. If you are consistent with your expectations of the child’s behavior, the child will learn to automatically perform the desired behaviors.
Simple tasks can teach children to be responsible for their actions. For example, teach your child to pick up after playing with his or her toys. When the child is very young, you can do this by simply having the child help you to put away the toys. If the child does not help willingly, then the next time the child wants to play with those specific toys, the request is denied.
Teach your child to place dirty clothes in the hamper if he or she wants the clothing to be laundered. If the clothes do not make it to the hamper, resist the urge to launder them right away or launder the clothing, but make it unavailable for wearing. When the child becomes old enough, have the child help with the laundry.
The point is to simply instill a few common sense guidelines for appropriate behavior in the child’s routine. This is yours and you need to take care of it properly. Then, perhaps when your child asks for that next pet, he or she will already understand all of the work that it will involve. More importantly, your child will understand who is going to do all of that work.