Pre-People: The Consummate Guilt InstillersBy Glenn A. HascallHave you ever felt like the world's worst possible parent? Oh, it's easy enough to feel badly for doing something stupid, but what about those moments when you do something right and it still makes you feel less than adequate? As a parent I step into problems all by myself without the aid or encouragement of anyone. There are moments, however, when I do the right thing by making an appropriate choice on behalf of my children and discover what a cruel human being I am. Oh, the wailing! Oh, the doe eyes with tears large enough to drown an entire mosquito colony! Oh, the pain that's been wrought in the heart of youth! What was I thinking? Being a parent is hard work. Your children can instill guilt in ways you only thought your mother could. You deny their freedom of mobility because of an infraction of homework policies and they remind you of the many and various ways in which their lives are ruined because of your actions. They roll their eyes and hug their pillows and wonder how they ever could have considered you 'cool'. Somewhere between the time they were dropped off for their first day of school and the summer break of their 5th grade year (sometimes earlier – sometimes later) they come to believe that an alien has removed their hero status mother (or father) and replaced her (or him) with a cop android intent on making life as miserable as possible. This is typically the time when this same beloved child adopts 'Drama Queen" status or possibly "Brooding Prince" depending entirely on gender and temperament. These darling children lament their inability to have any item another classmate has. They 'require' the latest fashions, the latest hair care products, the latest shoe designs (no knock-off brands will do), they require cell phones and an increasing amount of personal space. We missed that special moment when our child's pituitary gland sent a few messages to the brain to let the rest of the body know that it's time to move from child to adult. All your child knows is they need to get there, they don't know exactly how to do it, and you are ruining their life in the process. I have a friend that calls this age between child and adult 'pre-people'. They have a growing sense of independence and aren't quite ready to manage things on their own – no matter what they think. If your child is insisting that you are running their life, take heart, you're in good company with a fine group of adults who have forgotten that everyone was once that age and the affliction of 'Drama Queen' is often hereditary. This too shall pass. |