News - Marriage

Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse?

By Kristen Houghton

Checking our snail-mail at home, I saw a beautifully inscribed wedding invitation. It was from a divorced couple I knew. They were re-marrying each other.

“Come share our happiness as we celebrate our love in our “re-marriage” with a renewal of our original marriage vows.”

I was thrilled to be invited but also a little puzzled because the couple had a bit of a tumultuous married history, initiating divorce proceedings ten years earlier. What had made them get back together and what had prompted them to decide to renew their original vows when those same vows obviously hadn’t “taken” the first time around? Yet here they were getting married…again.

Perhaps there is something to the meaning of the words, “soul-mate.” Some spiritual beliefs say that two souls are destined, from before birth, to be husband and wife. Other religions believe that you and your spouse will wed each other throughout seven reincarnations, regardless of any turmoil you may have experienced as a couple.

Spiritual beliefs aside, there are reasons that you might re-marry your former spouse. One of these is the inherent goodness or qualities of the person with whom you fell in love. You began to love this person for a reason; a part of it may have been their moral strengths, their kindness; their treatment of others. The other person has something intangible that appeals to you.

But, whether you are married five or fifty years, neither of you is not the same man or woman who said the original vows. You have grown as a person. Your ideas and thoughts have undergone change as your knowledge of life has increased. The intangible something that originally brought you together is enhanced by maturity and wisdom.

If the marriage as a whole had been good with mutual respect a primary ingredient, 90% of divorced couples will marry each other within eight years of divorcing. Many will use their original vows while others will have new ones written to express their growth as individuals.

My friend put it best when she said: “We’re “re-marrying” each other because we have found that something was missing in our lives without the other person in it. There was a reason we married in the first place. It’s more than love, it is indefinable. Now that we have knowledge of who we are, and where we want to be, we’re ready to be the couple we know we can be.”